Thanks for all your responses. I feel better just reading what everyone has to say. It was awful to have to tell DH about the tree and wistera... he gets so upset! So it was a tough night cos he doesnt handle this stuff well. Added to that when the tradesman finally got there (I got mad and told them they had to send someone this arvo and to my surprise they did!) it was bad news re the heating system.

I like the idea of shaming, Light. We have a friend who is a horticulturist and i'm trying to get hold of her to come round and give us a professional opinion re the tree and wisteria. Might send it off to testing. It would be nice to be able to prove it was poisoned, even though we already know it was (it borders his property). So i think we'll give the sign thing a try.

We have thought of moving.. particularly last night.. we talked about it a lot. Even though this man is probably late 70's, he's as fit as a malley bull, so i think he's gunna be around a while . Even though moving is a hassle, it's probably less hassle than spending another 15 years living next door to him. As DH says, we could always give a family with teenage drummer sons a big discount on the house And as i said to him this morning, we could build a garage big enough to house our growing stable of bikes

As for my fellow phd student, ugh. I like your idea DDH.. it sounds like a good option to try. I'll give it a go. I think it will make me feel better to be able to confront her in a non-confrontational way.

The book sounds fascinating Regina. I am currently waiting for another one "coping with difficult people" by Robert Bramson. I have the tapes of this and they are excellent, but i had to order the book from the US and of course it's not here yet! maybe we should move the US... that's where all the good cycling clothes and other goodies are! But then you gals would have no one to visit when you travel downunder

And Doc.... that is such a great link! Has left me smiling for the day!

Thanks girls, your responses help so much.

Thea