Small problems but at my wits end

[wannaduacentury]

I agree that karma can have its own negative effect. As for work issues, I(we-the whole store) had this PIA asst store mgr and he was so full of himself arrgh, he even had an affair w/ a girl in my dept and they both denied it, but he went on a business trip to help stores after Hurr. Katrina and bragged about his affair(go figure) he also had several sexual harrassment cases against him, at the present job and those before in which he was fired and he got fired from this one too. No one could figure out why his nice wife w/ 2 beautiful kids wouldn't leave the jerk. Well I heard he's working for his brother at some restaurant and I can only wonder, which waitress he's baiting now. When he was fired, he was in the middle of a transfer and no one was sad to see him go.
I had another job where the mgr was another horses patoot and he was mean to me as well- he got sacked too and I still had my job. Just goes to prove. Hang in there. jennifer

[Thistle]

Thanks for all your responses. I feel better just reading what everyone has to say. It was awful to have to tell DH about the tree and wistera... he gets so upset! So it was a tough night cos he doesnt handle this stuff well. Added to that when the tradesman finally got there (I got mad and told them they had to send someone this arvo and to my surprise they did!) it was bad news re the heating system.

I like the idea of shaming, Light. We have a friend who is a horticulturist and i'm trying to get hold of her to come round and give us a professional opinion re the tree and wisteria. Might send it off to testing. It would be nice to be able to prove it was poisoned, even though we already know it was (it borders his property). So i think we'll give the sign thing a try.

We have thought of moving.. particularly last night.. we talked about it a lot. Even though this man is probably late 70's, he's as fit as a malley bull, so i think he's gunna be around a while . Even though moving is a hassle, it's probably less hassle than spending another 15 years living next door to him. As DH says, we could always give a family with teenage drummer sons a big discount on the house And as i said to him this morning, we could build a garage big enough to house our growing stable of bikes

As for my fellow phd student, ugh. I like your idea DDH.. it sounds like a good option to try. I'll give it a go. I think it will make me feel better to be able to confront her in a non-confrontational way.

The book sounds fascinating Regina. I am currently waiting for another one "coping with difficult people" by Robert Bramson. I have the tapes of this and they are excellent, but i had to order the book from the US and of course it's not here yet! maybe we should move the US... that's where all the good cycling clothes and other goodies are! But then you gals would have no one to visit when you travel downunder

And Doc.... that is such a great link! Has left me smiling for the day!

Thanks girls, your responses help so much.

Thea

[Quillfred]

"As DH says, we could always give a family with teenage drummer sons a big discount on the house."

Funny you should mention this. That is exactly who moved into our prior house.

[mimitabby]

I can see it now:

House for sale $350,000

If you have 1 son who drums, $300,000

If you have 2 or more sons who are enthusiastic drummers, $240,000

home visit required for approval

[Thistle]

I can see it now:

House for sale $350,000

If you have 1 son who drums, $300,000

If you have 2 or more sons who are enthusiastic drummers, $240,000

home visit required for approval

DH thought this was wonderful Suggested we could supply enough drum kits for the number of children who will be living in the house as part of the sale agreement

[Duck on Wheels]

Theav wrote "Although it was surreal to have her supervisor ask me how she should approach the topic with the student"

Yep, this is a widespread weakness among academics. Many of us go into science thinking we'll be able to work quietly and peacefully all by ourselves, so we don't really work on our management skills. Avoidance and denial are high on our strategy lists. But when push comes to shove, most of us are nice people and we do try to weed out the sociopaths ... eventually. Let's hope your respective supervisors work this out.

Otherwise, I liked the shaming suggestions. And I liked your idea about getting the dead tree and wisteria (and the soil around them) tested first. Best not to jump to conclusions. If they have been poisoned, I think you should go back to the police. They might be able to get a search warrant and find the poison on his property, in which case they might be able to at least fine him for property damage. If all else fails, then you it might make you feel better initially to put up a public warning sign, but that would be escalation and he might bump up his attacks as well. Oh dear. Where is that wrath-of-G'd lightening bolt when we need it?

If other's worries are any comfort, we seem to have an arsonist in our neighborhood now. Two fires last night -- one in a dumpster next door and one in a garage another 3 houses up. Scary! We have a whole cord of winter firewood stacked in our carport!

[mimitabby]

If other's worries are any comfort, we seem to have an arson in our neighborhood now. Two fires last night -- one in a dumpster next door and one in a garage another 3 houses up. Scary! We have a whole cord of winter firewood stacked in our carport!

no, not a comfort at all! I always imagined Norway as being so much more civilized than here!
i hope your wood is good and wet so they can't burn it!

[Tuckervill]

Doc, next time an angry parent gets upset about playing time (or anything!), offer them the team. They always back down when we do that. "Well, you know, I'm planning on going on vacation next week, and I would love it if you could step in while I'm gone!"

Remember that you are a VOLUNTEER and you don't have to do this and you will only do it for your own reasons and with your own methods and not with theirs. I take comfort in the fact that I can always quit. I can walk away just like they do every time they drop off their little darling without having fed her before practice.

Of course, I never will, but it helps me to know that I can.

Thanks for being a coach. As a person who helps a few overworked guys run a Cal Ripken baseball league for 400 kids, I am grateful for people like you.

Karen

[doc]

Doc, next time an angry parent gets upset about playing time (or anything!), offer them the team. They always back down when we do that. "Well, you know, I'm planning on going on vacation next week, and I would love it if you could step in while I'm gone!"

Remember that you are a VOLUNTEER and you don't have to do this and you will only do it for your own reasons and with your own methods and not with theirs. I take comfort in the fact that I can always quit. I can walk away just like they do every time they drop off their little darling without having fed her before practice.

Of course, I never will, but it helps me to know that I can.

Thanks for being a coach. As a person who helps a few overworked guys run a Cal Ripken baseball league for 400 kids, I am grateful for people like you.

Karen

Thanks That's all it takes to make a person feel good all day!