How do you tell a good used bicycle from a useless one?

[run it, ride it]

By no means is Simon unsalvageable. I can grab a frame off campus someone has abandoned (I've seen them, and they're all better frames than Simon) and transplant his bits over.

Simon was in mint condition (save a little rust and smushed handlebars) when I happened across him. He rode just as poorly then. That's what I'm saying: he LOOKED like a great buy. I test-rode him in a flat area, and thought "well, it's a road bike and it fits--cool."

Apparently G. Vettor made their frames using the physics of torture, because it just does not go up hills.

I'll maintain a bike I don't wish death upon. My Trek lives in my bedroom and still looks brand new. My horse's bridle is actually three different bridles, held together by twine--I still treat it like gold. My horrse is permanently lame from arthritis--I've had him nine years and I'm not quitting till he breaks my bank.

For some reason, the combination of Simon and that hill every day just inspired uncharacteristic outright neglect. I'm not proud of it, but god was it ever satisfying.