Shhh...this is Silver's hubby...

[silver]

You ladies are amazing! You UNDERSTAND! That means sooooooo much!

DH is being amazingly patient with me and so kind! That means so much too! Thank you, DH!

Ladies, hearing your stories of bravery is giving me hope. It's too soon, yet, but I will try to stay focused.

[emily_in_nc]

Silver~ I really feel what you are going through. I kinda thought that you would have a "delayed" reaction to Sam's death since you seemed awfully "together" after it happened. It's a really hard thing to take in a sudden death when it first happens. It's like our mind protects us from the full impact early on, and only lets the horror of it in in bits and pieces. I experienced that when my dad died in a car accident last year. It was horrible at first, of course, but I guess I was kind of numb, because the strongest, most debilitating grief, shock, anger, pain, were somewhat delayed. The sobbing until I was gasping for air came not as often the first two weeks after his death, but a month, two months later. I couldn't ride on the road for nearly 10 months afterwards because I felt so small and vulnerable, and like I was surely going to be killed as well. I didn't want my DH to ride either as my fear of losing someone else that I loved was so great.

It seems like your own accident may have allowed you to experience the full shock and emotion of witnessing Sam's death. You're experiencing your own accident, the pain and shock and fear of that, but you're also grappling with the death of a fellow cyclist that you WITNESSED. That is truly "heavy" and is bound to exacerbate your fear response greatly. You need to give yourself time and not pressure yourself to get out there before you're ready. And don't let your DH, as wonderful as he is, do that either.

Big hugs: {{{{{{{{{{{{{{{ Silver }}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}

~Emily

[silver]

thank you, emily. That is exactly what I am feeling.

[silver]

OK, one final post and then this will be a testosterone free forum again...and I will return to my nearly all male forum of vintage mercedes owners...

Listening to the stories of all these broken bones, I'd swear we were talking about a pro-football team, not a woman's forum.

It's good to see that there is no "gender gap" in biking...let's look forward to the time that there's no gender gap anywhere else as well

So, silver's estrogen laden, but testosterone filled hubby surrenders the floor to the superior experiences, support, and intellect of the wonderful women of TE.

[Triskeliongirl]

OK, one final post and then this will be a testosterone free forum again...and I will return to my nearly all male forum of vintage mercedes owners...

Hey Mr. Silver, why not create your own user name. No one says only women can participate. We really appreciated you letting us know about the accident, and keeping us updated on Silver's progress. We are here to help you both get through this. Its interesting. When I told my husband about this, he said 'she's gotta get back on the horse' whereas my reaction was she needs to heal first, and then she can get back on the horse. I agree that right now Silver is actually processing the horrible accident she witnessed only 2 weeks before her own. It was only after my husband had a bad cycling accident several years after my cycling accident, that my fears returned at an even more intense level. Fear is good, if it makes us ride safer, and more defensively, but fear is not good if it immoblizes us. But we all need to work through this stuff, and maybe time off the bike will let Silver figure out how to be a safer rider when she is ready to get back on.

[salsabike]

Hey Mr. Silver, why not create your own user name. No one says only women can participate. We really appreciated you letting us know about the accident, and keeping us updated on Silver's progress.

I've been wanting to say that too, actually. You're a good guy and we were glad to have you here. Silver....it'll be okay. It'll get better.