Shhh...this is Silver's hubby...

[silver]

Oh Geez!!!!! Yes, he's sweet but I'm gonna have to change my password!!!

well, I will admit that i'm in tears reading this. yesterday was the frist day that I had seen DH since the day after the accident becuase of work logistics. And I was having a cruddy day. I've found that about every day and a half that I crash big time, both emotionally and physically. Sleep has been elusive the last two nights. I must be getting used to the pain meds since they no longer seem to make me drift off into a welcome foggy sleep like before.

And I was already teary after reading bacarver's email about the bravery that she summoned up when she had her wreck.

It was just a month and a half ago that I watched Sam's life leave his body after being cut down by a car and now two weeks since my own accident while riding a memory ride for him. My old bike has been restored to "ride-able" and the new Oh-so-lovely Madone sits in my kitchen waiting for me to take it for a ride.

I figure that what I'm experiencing is some sort of post traumatic stress response. I had accomplished my cycling goals for the years and had already turned my mind towards running through the winter.

I know that I have already recovered so much since the accident. I remember screaming at the slightest move the first few days. Now I can move about and get by without the narcotics during the days. My lung is healed. My road rashes are all nearly healed. My parents are going home after taking over for two weeks. I can drive. I've even been trying to figure out which exercises I can still do. Like calf raises.....I can do calf raises.

But the emotional part will take so much longer to heal. I had so looked forward to doing the memory ride for Sam, thinking that it would bring so much closure to the experience, then I didn't finish his "Finish His Ride"



I did go out to my workshop was happy to know that I can still work. Slowly and carefully and probably not with as much skill and force as before but knowing that I will at least be able to complete the orders that I have.

I want to ride again. But I don't watn to be fearful. It has been so helpful to read how some of you have made small modifications to your riding that have helped. to read how you have triumphed after serious injuries. you all know.... I need to be on my bike. Well, tomorrow I will try to get on my spin bike and see if I can pedal. I'll go to the gym and see what I can do. and then see where that takes me. And I'll get to meet bacarver!

I've been through injuries before and always went on and found something else to do. That's how I found the bike. I bought my bike with and rode it with a broken foot all last summer. I'd walk to the bike in my air cast, take it off and bike and put it back on. I worked so hard at weight lifting when I broke my left foot that I finally developed 6 pack abs. I know I've done this before, so why does it seem so daunting this time. I think because it hurts a lot more this time. It came closer to mortality, it came on the heels of Sam's death.

Thank you DH and others for the sweet encouragement. I'm listening. I will not give up.