Silver is Home

[CyclChyk]

Silver - you have every right to be emotional! Don't sweat the small stuff.

As far as being afraid to ride again, I agree that you will do it at your own pace. Perhaps however, you might feel more comfortable starting on bike specific paths or trails and not on roads with cars.... then slowly as you feel your confidence return, perhaps ride in group rides (safety in numbers). Re-evaluate how you feel at that point.....

Take your time. We'll be here when you need us

[silver]

thank you ladies for listening. I know from past surgeries that there is an emotional breaking point afterwards...for each and every one....I've gone through it....so you'd think that I'd be better at dealing with this.

Even though there was a car involved in Sam's death, there wasn't a car in my accident. Just the road and me. So it's like there's fear everytwhere. last week lying in the hospital bed I would have told you without a don't that this would not get me down ....now I'm not so sure. It's scary to feel this. But it just seems that every time that I start to make progress that I hit another obstacle.
Sorry ....I'm NOT usually like this.

[Dogmama]

Silver, you're entitled to every emotion you feel. The most important thing is that when you are going through hell, keep walking. I think you know that.

[emily_in_nc]

Emily I'm feeling afraid of riding again. how did you go back?

You are completely normal, never fear. It definitely took awhile for me. I was unable to ride for several months while my fractures healed. After about two months, I was able to start slowly riding on the trainer. I had my first road ride about 4 months after my crash. I was slow and could only do short distances at first. I was nervous about riding anywhere near others (my crash occurred when I hit my husband's wheel when two large dogs ran out right at me without my seeing them until the last moment). I had residual hip pain on longer rides, which took some of the fun out of riding, but I did manage a hilly 50-mile event 5 months after my crash (Sept. '05).

That's still my longest ride to date, because the following month, my father died in a car accident, and that made me even more fearful of the road and just what could happen out there -- I just felt far too vulnerable on a bike. I didn't ride on the road for about nine months after that, but I did start mountain biking this past June and loved it. I bought a lighter mountain bike and concentrated on that, since I didn't have to worry about dogs or cars. Of course, mountain biking being what it is, I managed to fall several more times as I attempted single track and realized how little I knew about technical bike handling despite years of road riding, but no broken bones (just a few bruises, abrasions, and yet another new helmet!) I did finally get back out on the road a few times later this summer, doing rides up to the 30+ mile range, but I'm certainly not riding like I did prior to my crash -- I used to ride five days a week, and this year I think I rode (on the road) five times total! But each time I felt a little more comfortable.

Sorry I can't be more encouraging. For me, it's a combination of continuing pain issues from my pelvic injuries that you will hopefully not have from any of yours, and definitely some psychological issues. And then there's the fact that getting away from road cycling for awhile allowed me to discover other activities I enjoy a lot too -- hiking, running, kayaking, and of course, mountain biking. Now, instead of forcing myself to road ride in the cold over the winter, which I always endured rather than enjoyed, I'll spend all winter hiking (a much warmer activity!) And who knows what next year will bring? I might get back to road riding, I might not. I just try not to pressure myself too much and go with what feels right to me at the time.

I surely hope you will be back on the road sooner and with less "baggage" than I have. But be gentle with yourself and only do what you are comfortable with. You will find your own time table.

All the best to you!
Emily

[CyclChyk]

Right now, tonite, you are too close to it. And in my experiences, the more you think about it, the closer you are to it, the more emotional you become about it.

The good thing is that you are still healing so you don't have to make any decisions about it tonite. Or even tomorrow. And before you know it, the feelings you have tonite will pass and you will want to ride again. And if you don't, it's OK..... that's the good part about this ~>its your decision to make. Not anyone elses.

[silver]

thanks CC DM and emily. I would usually deal wtih feelings like this with exercise and I can't.

You've done so much to cheer me up. I think that I'll take my narcotics and see it reducing the pain helps my emotional state.

[annie]

I would usually deal wtih feelings like this with exercise and I can't. .

You said it, right there. Not being able to relieve those feelings makes them seem so much worse. Is there something else you can do now, that you enjoy? Do you crochet or paint or do any crafty stuff? That can help keep your mind off your worries.

After I healed from a broken pelvis, I could not bring myself to get out on the road, much as I missed riding. So I took my first rides, all alone, on a trail. Even when I got back on the road, I could not ride anywhere close to another rider(having gone down in a paceline.) The fear was very real. But the love of riding was stronger and kept me out there and gradually, very gradually, things got better and I got most of my confidence back. I STILL, to this day, over 4 years since it happened, am not comfortable in a pace line. I'll do it, with people I totally trust, but not often. And I prefer not to. You just need to give yourself however much time it takes, till you desire to ride overcomes your fear. Then take it slowly. Please don't feel guilty about not riding! Be kind to yourself. It will all work itself out in time. My thoughts are with you.

annie

[silver]

annie, yes, I'm very crafty, actually. I'm a silversmith. And I've got orders piling up. But I'm afraid to go to my workshop for fear that I won't be able to wrk. It's still very uncomfortable to raise and use my right arm, because that uses the right ribs to stablilize. I just got home fomr the hospital on Tuesday and I need to go to the workshop tomorrow and see if I can actually do any work. Iv'e even thought that maybe if I stood while I worked that it would be better. Sitting hurts worse.


knowing that you all have been down this "road" before gives me hope.

[luv2ride94]

My crash wasn't AT ALL as bad as yours. but when I had nothing to do it was worse cus thinking about it. Find a new puzzle or something to do instead of having time to do nothing but think. I kinda helps for a while. At least it did for me I hope u feel better everday! ~ KT

[ClockworkOrange]

Sally, I saw your post but didn't want to reply there. I fully believe that I would be a vegetable today if I didn't have my helmet on. Please do wear a helmet, my dear! and thank you for your sweet words.

elaine

Silver

I just read your recent comment, well, hope this does not make you any more weepy.

Guess what, I just chose my helmet, now if I had not read what you wrote, those very thought provoking words above, I may have seriously regretted it one day. Hey, I could start calling you St Silver!!!

You can check my funky helmet out on my helmet thread.

Thanks................now all I want to hear is that you getting a little better each day, I expect you will have several grotty days but am sure they will get fewer and fewer.

Take very good care.

Sally

[7rider]

Silver,
Glad to see that you are home again.
Rest up. Heal well.
Take your time - don't rush yourself. Now might be a good time to catch up on those books (or magazines, or newspapers) you've been meaning to read or movies you've been meaning to watch. The road will be there waiting when you are ready to return, and so will your circle of friends.

[bikerchick68]

Silver... just wanted to tell you I'm aching right along with you... I'm glad these wonderful women have been able to help address your fears... I can only imagine what you must be feeling... just know we're all listening. Continued thoughts to you for a good recovery... both physical and emotional... hugs...

[Jo-n-NY]

Silver, I am happy to hear you are coming along. Yes, it is a slow process, but who is in a hurry anyway.

I wanted to add to the "fear" area. I crashed last year also although not as bad. I ended up with a fractured shoulder and road rash. Like you it was just me and the road. My tire got caught in a groove of bad roadway and down I went.

I felt the need to keep myself in some kind of shape so my husband brought in an old Schwinn exercise bike as I could get on and off of that without using my arm, then I progressed to the mtn bike on my trainer, again, I didn't have to put pressure on my arm to get on and off, then eventually on went the road bike, although I still could not fully reach the handlebars.

Then I felt let me try this outside, BUT I used my mtn bike and took it ever so slowly as I was fearful also. I just went around my small quiet development for about 15 minutes. That was enough for me and it felt good. I did the same the next day but a little longer. I eventually got on my road bike, but ever so slowly. Bottom line I took baby steps. I was out of work for 10 weeks. My goal all season was training for a century ride, but that did not happen, the century that is.

On a better note, I did achieve a century ride this past May.

Going through the winter on the trainer then when weather broke, slowly heading outdoors where I left off last year worked out best for me. Now I am riding better than ever, not as much as fit, but for alertness. My husband kids everyone that they better not ride too close to me because I need lots of space around me.


I hope this adds to help you somewhat along with what all the other ladies have said. Go by your own agenda; there is nothing to rush into.

~ JoAnn

[silver]

Ladies, i still feel weepy today, but so much more hopeful for the amazing stories of recovery that you all have shared. I know that I have support network that will get me back.

Already I feel plans developing in my head on how to get past this.

thank you so much for being here for me.

elaine

[Bikingmomof3]

We are always here. Remember a lot of us are going through the rollar coaster of emotions, for various reasons, and so your feelings are very much understood. (((((HUGS)))))