Having babies

[xeney]

YOu too will be thrilled with the way your babies spit their peas out. If you're not, I'd worry about your mothering skills.

Oh, I don't agree with that. My mom had two babies, eleven grandkids, and four older stepkids, and she has never been interested in peas. I have nieces and nephews who are not much younger than I am, and I can clearly remember my mom rolling her eyes and griping that she wished my sister-in-law would stop talking about the baby's bowel movements, because those weren't even interesting when it was your own baby.

My mom went back to work when I was about six months old, and she continued to hike and camp and do the stuff she had done before, and we went along in a backpack ... I went on my first deer hunting trip when I was three months old. We weren't neglected at all but as the two youngest of six, we were very much expected to fit into the family, not have the rest of the family change to fit around us. And nobody ever went gaga over the way I spit up my peas, and I managed to turn out okay.

I think that is how bigger families used to work, and it's a much more recent thing that babies become the sole focus of everybody's life. My mom has been telling me this for years: just because you don't really like babies doesn't mean you won't like having kids. She still doesn't especially like babies, but she is the best grandma ever once the kids are old enough to care.

[Puffin]

Xeney, I could hug you! Isn't it funny how you only listen when someone says something you want to hear?

[kbs]

Hi there,

thought about spinning? I managed to keep that up once my bump got too big to MTB as it's rather more up right, and started again 6 weeks after birth. Before that you just don't want to be getting on a saddle, I can tell you Sorry I've only scanned the pps, but a word of warning - whilst preg. you get much more out of breath - more blood to push around, limited space for your lungs.

When I first found out we were having a baby I cried, even more when I realized that our planned transalp would take place when I was 8 mo, and so would be out of the question. I live in a place where just about everyone bikes, bikers ride through with their back packs and I turn a light shade of green with envy.

Now the micro human is 1, she's climbing up my leg trying to get me off the computer, she's only let me ride around 150 mile the whole summer, but... hey it's just one season, by next season she'll be able to stay with Grandma, or I can dump her on friends and get at least one good ride in a week. Maybe I'll even team up with some other girlfriends and let our husbands look after the rugrats.

It's a sacrifice, but it's so worth it, believe me. I had such ambivalent feelings towards my daughter until I actually held her, and now being woken up by a snotty kiss and baby babble makes everything worth it. The only question I found helped was do you want to be 50 and not have kids? Well, there are always 500 good reasons why now is not the right time to start...

HTH

[Triskeliongirl]

And I forgot to mention that when they are older you might have a new training partner! Lots of folks show up for club rides with a kid on the back f a tandem, and I've had friends that toured with kids and double tandems.

[mimitabby]

I am not one of those people who likes other people's babies either. But mine were mine. And I Knew that they were my responsibility from day one, and until they were able to do for themselves, I made many sacrifices for them. It was a no brainer. You can't do kids justice if you're not there for them.
I had daycare, I had to go back to work when they were 3 months old, both of them. And I didn't brag about their bowel movements, you're missing the point on that. You should fall in love with your children, and then their achievements will become very important.

If you're feeling resentments you're not ready. When we had kids, i too was clueless. TOTALLY clueless, but just like a mamma cat, i figured it out quick.

We got high once when my first son was about a year old. What a disaster that was. you just can't be a good mom and be half-conscious. That was a learning experience, and I never did it again.

Your children are only small for a very short time. Then they grow up. How do you want to raise them? Do you remember how it was for you? (I sure did, and I planned on not repeating history). I have spoken to some who have regretted the lack of attention they gave to their children. No one has ever regretted (to me) the real-time they gave to their children, when their children were children.

[kbs]

I don't think still riding necesarrily means you give your children a lack of attention. I know for me the hour a day I got to go spinning was a life saver, a little time for myself, after all I was on call 23hrs of the day and it meant that I was a whole lot happier about those 23 hrs.

Forgot to mention before, lots of people use those trailer things but I HATE going uphill with them, they kind of pull back on you in a chuggy way. Really irritated me, but maybe it was just the one we borrowed. Now bought a Britax Jockey seat and am very happy with it. Works once the baby reaches 9 kilos, she's got her little helmet and away we go. More than about 2 hrs is out of the question, but it's better than nothing.

Hiking is great particularly when they're tiny. The back packs only work once they can sit alone (around 6 months) but try a sling like one of these http://www.hoppediz.de/EN/index.htm
get one anyway, keeps babies much happier than pushchairs!

[margo49]

Main advice about children: It is *biology*; so make sure the other half is going to maximise your genetic potential. Every sentient female biological entity on the planet goes for the male that looks the best of the herd, flock, bunch.

Don't get too far ahead of yourself. Wait and listen.
All the time we women are changing and developing new interests and deepening existing ones and adjusting the balances and prolortions.In pregnancy ditto but squared!
As you progress in the pregnancy and give birth (safely and in good time) and in the following years (till you die, basically); you will find your body and mind and heart will tell you what and how much you want to do with your child(ren). What choices, sacrifices and compromises you will make you will make in Real Time, hopefully in consultation with Baby's father.

You may find yourself surprised how it all turns out (I did). In a good way.
Health and happiness to you in this Adventure of adventures

[Bikingmomof3]

Wow, there have been some splendid replies to your post already.
I do understand your humour, yet do sense uncertainty. There is nothing wrong with being uncertain. it is best to question just how badly do you and your DH want a child. To examine whether or not you both are prepared to change/adjust to accomodate a new baby.

I was not a biker when I became pregnant with my first child, however I did enjoy many other activities. I was not permitted to exercise during my pregnancies, sometimes things just do not work out as planned. That being said, I was more concerned about my growing child than I was about my previous activities. 2nd pregnancy I spent in hospital the entire time. My only concerns were my 1 year old and keeping my twins alive inside me. Once my children were born, there was not a lot of "me" time, but looking back, I did not think a thing of it. My baby (then babies) came first and foremost. There is a bond that is very difficult to put into words. When my twins were born I had two premature babies and a 2 year old. I spent all my time in hospital. When they were able to come home we were not allowed to expose them to too my germs. Very long story shortened, the first 4 years as a mother, I focused mainly on that, being the best mum I could be. My children are now young teens and I am out cycling, running, swimming, yet I still cannot just take off on an all day ride unless the boys come along.
I plan to run some marathons and participate in some centuries this coming summer, the boys will need to be there. I cannot/will not travel and leave them home to their own devices, they are not old enough.

Having children does impact life. For the worse? Absolutely not! Having children just changes priorities and availability.
Many cycle/spin/run through their pregnancy. I am not qualified to give advice on this, though I do know there are several threads on exercising throughout pregnancy.

Please give each response careful thought. Children are wonderful indeed, but your life will change.

[mimitabby]

Please give each response careful thought. Children are wonderful indeed, but your life will change.

Boy, you said it in a nutshell. For me, it was a total transformation from "all about me" to becoming a mother bear..

[margo49]

Wow, there have been some splendid replies to your post already.
IHaving children does impact life. For the worse? Absolutely not! Having children just changes priorities and availability.

Please give each response careful thought. Children are wonderful indeed, but your life will change.

Yeah, although I would say *AND* (not but) your life will change.

All sorts of things "change your life" (partner(s), jobs, money or lack of, health or illness.
And a lot of those things we don't (or can't) examine all the pro's, con's and implications beforehand.
But we go through them and move (limp, stagger,blunder,meander) on to a New Normal in an equally Meaningful Life.

I have found myself drinking myself senseless a few times a year with being a mother; but I would be finding myself drinking myself senseless a few times a year whatever. (Substitute your own poison/self destructive activity).

[Trekhawk]

You can manage to exercise and have kids but you just need to plan a little and be flexible (take each day as it comes). I did not cycle when my children were super little but I did swim. The pool near our house opened at five so I would get up and be at the pool when it opened and swim for an hour. This way I was back before my husband left for work.

I love being a Mum but before I had kids you would not have said I was a kid person. People I knew were shocked when I said I was pregnant they told me hey I didnt even know you liked kids, but here I am three kids later and loving it. You learn to be adaptable and if you get to ride thats great and if somedays you cant well you learn not to knock yourself up about it.
I have been cursed and blessed in the husband department. Cursed because he goes away a lot and that makes getting out for a ride even harder and blessed because when he is here he volunteers to look after the boys so I can go to rides that are not always close to home.

Children change your life that is sure but for me it was a change to a fuller richer and sometimes a tad crazier life.

[Dianyla]

I think it's a bit harsh to presume that just because someone fully grasps the gravity of what mothering entails that this means they are too selfish to be a parent. Plenty of other folks just launch right into it and only find out when it's too late that it has completely taken over their life.

Calling childrearing a burden is calling a spade a spade. The key point is that the burden should be worth it to the people who are carrying it. Also, it should be shared between both parents in a way that is acceptable to both parties.

One of my sisters is a SAHM with 6 chilluns and a husband who travels a lot and brings home lots of bacon. She is quite content with shouldering 95% of the childrearing load. For my personality, I know that being in a situation like hers would cause me to feel resentful and depressed. I'd probably gnaw my own arm off to escape a situation like hers!

Until I get to a stage in life with a partner that is willing to divvy up this burden in a way that works well for both of us, I won't consider intentionally conceiving and bearing children.

[Adventure Girl]

Isn't it funny how you only listen when someone says something you want to hear?

This speaks volumes.