Dealing With It

[mimitabby]

I am back, to see more sensational posts!
I too, am the product of a broken marriage. My parents (who both loved me) acted like total donkey anuses for years to each other for years, including telling me, as a 6 year old what to tell my $#@$# father.. I decided early on that this would not be a pattern that I would repeat.
I raised my sons with enough love and attention that they are still friends today as adults and I am still married to my woefully imperfect husband. Yeah, i'm pretty imperfect too.
Like LPH, i had to lose my father and my grandmother before I understood how to deal with other people's grief. . . I had no idea!

thanks all for posting. Incredible strength and honesty in this thread!

[LBTC]

I'm touched by so many things said here, by so much loss, so much experience, and so many viewpoints. We're all so wonderfully human!

I had to share "what's in my hands" with DH and he, too, loved it.

I describe it as taking that great and overbearing notion to not try to control what you can't control and instead putting in practical terms that are intimate and meaningful. It also relates to the tarot...

As for grief, yes, it takes losing someone very special (in our case, our first dog, Yogi, who passed away from cancer), for compassion to blossom, especially after having been raised to be a judgmental catholic. (Yes, I join the ranks of the recovering catholics on this forum)

So many thoughts and feelings here! I agree it's time for us all to head to a friendly beach pub.....

Hugs and butterflies,
~T~

[crazybikinchic]

When my daughter was sick, DH and I decided that we couldn't live life "waiting for the next shoe to drop". Sometimes that was easier said than done, but I have lived that way for several years now. You can't live your life waiting for the next bad thing to happen. We have had our share of "issues" and I choose to keep living and exercising. That is the best thing I can do for myself.

[CyclChyk]

Crazy, I for one agree. And I hate to sound cliche, but I think Tim McGraw said it best when he sang "....and I hope someday you get the chance to live like you were dying".

Each day IS a gift. So often we lose sight of that.

[Tuckervill]

All of this isn't really much help in how to cope with bad stuff in the long run, but small bits of insight that come in handy in my own personal Owners Manual...

But there is one thing you said that does help in learning how to cope with bad stuff:

I've realized how incredibly privileged I've been so far.

That's called counting your blessings. Gratitude. Thankfulness. What do I have in my hand? That is an empowering way to cope. To take stock and see that it's not so bad. Things can even be good in spite of some really bad stuff.

Thanks for the reminder.

Karen

[margo49]

My friend Sonja (85+ and a graduate of the University of Auschwitz, Class of '45) says that life is a made up of episodes; some of which might be quite long and unpleasant. In a crisis she would say to me "Think of your beautiful children", which is quite a common "trick" among Jewish women from there.

To this I would add that I always think these things:

1. At this moment nothing bad is actually happening to me
2. Life goes forward; unlike tv sports there is no reverse angle and no replay. So whatever I have been through today I won't ever have to see or do it ever again
3. You bast-rd(s) don't know me. I'll show you! Just watch!

$0.02

[Dogmama]

Love Number Three!!!

When my DH was in the hospital for so many weeks (part in ICU), I spent days and nights with him. I went home to feed the dog & cat and to change clothes & get a shower. My world was the brief snippet of home, the drive and the hospital.

Biking is what helped. No, not getting on the bike, I didn't have time for that. I would think of my situation as being like a headwind. I would tell myself, "Just put your head down & pedal."

To this day, people ask me how I made it through. I tell them, "I put my head down and I pedaled." Yup, lots of weird looks.