im going to EXPOSE myself,right!i nearly died of anorexia nervosa 20 years ago,3 1/2 stone.i now eat well,3,000 kcals a day to accomodate the bike,but am still quite light(so im told,i disagree)so when i feel this wiped out i wonder how the PAST may still linger and whether im really honouring my calorific needs,whether i should weigh more,several of the female racers in the uk are bigger than me,am i holding myself back with this lingering demon(its kicked into touch but its a daily battle)ive never told my coach as theres so much stigma attached to the illness and my own shame,i only ever get a relapse once a year but it always happens on the bike training camp,so maybe i should explain myself and risk it!ive discovered once your up to a suitable weight people assume that the battle is over.Like most illness' you tend to learn to live with it.HATE IT.ALWAYS LOATHE TO ADMIT IT.there again isnt it ace when you do survive some thing to be able to race and cycle and appreciate life,although im sure other sufferers would agree they may be left with other mental illness',which can be A PAIN IN THE ARSE,BUT FAR LESS EVIL THAN AN EATING DISORDER.......phew!soz if i went on a bit