Dear So and So

[Bad JuJu]

Dear Losers Who Fish, Picnic, or Otherwise Populate the Banks of my River,

It's not a dump site you lazy SOBs and I don't appreciate kayaking amongst your filth. I'm surprised you can get your pathetic lazy butt off your couch.

Hey, Squeaky, don't sugar-coat it--tell us how you really feel!

Seriously, we've got the same problem here with people who boat on the bay and pull their boats up on little sand-bar beaches--leaving their crap all over the place when they go. It sux, big-time. Who do they think is going to clean up after them? Wonder if they'd like me to come along and leave trash in their yard like that. I'm with you, Squeaky:

[Squeaky]

I know, I get soooo mad about this. It's one of the few things that gets under my skin. And it did feel really good to vent....

[Bluetree]

Dear Cycling Buddies,
Thank you so much for introducing me to the sport and helping me along in my initiation. You guys have been a constant inspiration to me and the best support group I could ask for, outside of the TE gals.
I know that when you guys ride with me (and I always appreciate your invitations) you are "slumming." Unlike you guys, I do not compete in Ironmans, triathlons, Xterras, ultramarathons, Death Rides, etc. I know that you are chafing at the bit to get moving, instead of doddling along at my 16-17mph clip. Instead, you do your 2,000 ft climbs before we meet, join me for my flat 30 miles and make sure I'm home safely before you finish the rest of your training ride.
You guys give me helpful hints, teach me the rules of the peloton, give me encouragement when I need it, spur me on when I feel lazy and generally protect me when I'm on the road. I don't mind the teasing because it shows that you have included me into your "club." And it does not go unnoticed that on windy days you ride so that you are blocking the worst of the wind for me. Dan, James, Jim and David... you guys rock.

[jsgeneroso]

Dear Digestive Tract,

I know that things have been hairy for us lately. Even though Reason claims absolute bliss for having found "the one" and the prospect of living together would be sooo much easier and just awesome until we get hitched and bike into the sunset. Please don't let parents filling the brain with seeds of doubt and disapproval get you all bent and twisted because it is mostly painful and uncomfortable to constantly feel anxiety over the future, life changing and the two of us moving on and no longer being the parent's little girl. Life changes and it will be okay.

Your Mind.

[li10up]

Dear Boss:

Please don't ask me in the middle of the day what my plans are for after 5pm. I have a life...doesn't the bike on the back of my car give a hint as to my plans? But thanks for not making me stay after 5pm just to sit in your office so you can feel "safe" interviewing a female prospective employee. Especially since I already did the initial interview last week. However, anytime before 5pm is ok....or at least a days notice.

Thank you,

Partially dedicated employee

[Bikingmomof3]

Dear Dr. V.,
I know you have my best interest in mind, or at least you do not want me having another stroke on your watch. I get that and I appreciate it. I took the "no driving" instructions rather well, did I not? When I mentioned cycling 3 times and words such as "intense" and "training", what part did you miss? Is there a reason you decided not to share with me the very important (IMO) information that my already low BP would drop to points where I will faint? A little heads up on the fainting business would have been greatly appreciated. Especially considering I kept telling you how important exercise, especially cycling is to me. For the record, outdoor biking and fainting do not mix!

I am fairly certain down the road I will be eternally grateful to you for fixing my brain, but right at this moment I am too weak from a low BP and depressed from a lack of cycling to care.

Your grumpy patient.

P.S. See you on the 18th, when we will discuss cycling in depth.

[mary9761]

(((((Jennifer)))))

[chickwhorips]

dear out of town hunter,
your not in the city any more your in the bush, middle of no where, BFE. there is no need to speed around. most people when they see someone out running with dogs would so down. do you? NO. yes i have well behaved dogs (not that you know that) that stay next to me and sit, but what if they jumped up for one reason or another (you flinging a rock at us as you speed by) and get infront of the car? arg! the farthest you can drive here is a whopping 10 miles, your not going to get there any faster unless you fly. speeding down the road doesn't work. the roads aren't build for that out here and the speed limit is only 25 and less then that in 'town'. your lucky it was my boss that rented you that car or else you would've had a flying rock at you. you deserve more than just a kick in the shin too. just go home and leave us alone. we don't need 'your kind' here anyhow.
a very angry runner with dogs.

dear community people,
thank you for slowing WAY down (at a crawl) and going WAY over on the other side of the road and waving at me. i'm glad i live around people with you who look around for the dogs even when i'm not out with them. you always slow down and wave so nicely.
your fellow community memeber

dear peanut (dog),
STOP ROLLING IN STIKEY STUFF. arg! i gave you a good scrubbing and you still stink! i understand you think you smell pretty, but really, you don't. (or is it your way of saying i need a bath?)
your loving mother

[indysteel]

Dear Guys:

I realize that our club's membership reflects that cycling is male-dominated and that you get excited when a young-ish, single woman like myself shows up for group rides. But I am not chum. I come to the rides to ride, first, and to make friends, second. If you're cool with that, then great, but otherwise please stop circling.

And while I'm on the subject, you gentlemen at my local LBSs need to bone up on your manners. Please do not use the phone number I give you to place an order to call me for a date. Next time that happens, I'm calling your manager. And please don't comment on how wonderful I smell. I suppose I should appreciate the compliment, but it's unprofessional. I come to your store to shop, not to get hit on.

Thank you.

[mimitabby]

Dear Guys:

I realize that our club's membership reflects that cycling is male-dominated and that you get excited when a young-ish, single woman like myself shows up for group rides. But I am not chum. I come to the rides to ride, first, and to make friends, second. If you're cool with that, then great, but otherwise please stop circling.

And while I'm on the subject, you gentlemen at my local LBSs need to bone up on your manners. Please do not use the phone number I give you to place an order to call me for a date. Next time that happens, I'm calling your manager. And please don't comment on how wonderful I smell. I suppose I should appreciate the compliment, but it's unprofessional. I come to your store to shop, not to get hit on.

Thank you.

Dear Indysteel
I agree with you. What a bunch of jerks
enjoy it while it lasts but don't take any bs from them.

mimi who is twice your age

[indysteel]

[QUOTE=mimitabby;130991]Dear Indysteel
I agree with you. What a bunch of jerks
enjoy it while it lasts but don't take any bs from them.

It's hard to know how to respond. I don't exactly have the general male population falling all over me and, having just gone through a break up, a little attention doesn't hurt my ego. However, there must be a way to be approached by men that doesn't leave my skin crawling. Why can't they just treat me as a friend and let it grow--if it's going to grow--from there? Oh, and the exact quote from the LBS manager was that I "smelled delicious." I about died.

[Kitsune06]

Dear prospective employer

You had a pretty, friendly voice, and you sounded very nice, but if you're going to call me about the ...inter...w...p...ce...ss please, don't call me on your cell phone when all I can hear of your phone number is 5....3.....3...5....0... because now I'm climbing the walls freaking out that you want to hire me and I can't even call you back. My phone even recognizes you as 'unknown caller' so I can't even get your number that way. I'm sorry. I don't want to seem unprofessional, not calling you back, but I just don't have your number! My resume has my email address on it- please, use that! 99.9% of the time, I get the full email!

ok, sorry...
please call back.
Sincerely,
R....ie... N....m...

[Bluetree]

Dear Idiot Film Crew,

While it may not be the ideal way to spend your Sunday morning working, please be aware that to cyclists, Sunday mornings are the ideal time to ride...fast. So while I understand you have to work, I cannot fathom why your set-up crew would be carrying large items (i.e. conference tables, tent poles, camera booms) onto a popular bike path without first looking to see if anyone was coming.

Did you not learn to read while in film school? It's painted B-I-K-E-P-A-T-H underneath your feet. Every ten feet or so. The signs say "Watch for cyclists" at every crossing. Do you not notice that surfers stop and look both ways before crossing to get to the ocean on the other side? Did it enter your mind that setting down cables in the middle of a bike path is not a good idea? Probably not. Just because you are from the self-absorbed, narcissistic, adolescent-stunted fantasy world called the Hollywood Entertainment Industry does not mean that you are entitled to carelessly endanger the lives of other people.

To the out-of-shape smoker guy who walked out from a blind stairwell with an 8-ft. conference table... Just be glad that I'm slow and was able to brake in time to avoid a collision. Had it been a 20-strong elite paceline, your face would have found out how angry fit men can be when their $8000 bikes get trashed. Dumb*ss.

P.S. Pick up your trash before you leave.

[oxysback]

Dear Dog Owner,

Please keep both hatches on the back of your SUV locked. It was very terrifying for my 13 year old daughter to have to fend off the attacks of your dog to our little pug. I realize that you were enjoying the baseball game and were totally unaware of what your dog was doing, but now you have instilled a fear of dogs in my daughter, who came home in tears. I only hope that it hasn't ruined our pug, who is very social with any dog she comes across. You are very lucky that no one was hurt. My husband and I would have had no problem tracking you down. Why would you bring your dogs to a lovely park for a ball game and leave them in the car, anyway?

Signed,
A Concerned Mother

[BleeckerSt_Girl]

Dear Husband,
Thank you for being so patient and cheerful when we ride together. I know you can ride way faster than me, get up steeper hills, ride longer hours. But you never ever speed ahead out of my sight, and you often ride behind me on purpose, often asking whether I want to ride in front or in back.
Today, I peddled up a steep hill that I usually go all the way into Granny gear for. But today I purposely went up that hill in one gear harder than the granny gear just to push myself. You stayed behind me on the hill, and I didn't think you would notice that little detail, but when we both reached the top, you passed by me and whispered "Way to GO, Sweetie!".
Thank you for telling me that when you bought your now 11 year old bike, before you ever knew me, you had dreamed of riding it along sunlit woodland gravel roads with the one you love, and that your dream had now come true.
Thank you for endlessly explaining the mysteries of BIKE to me, showing me how to fix and adjust a hundred things on my bike, and for never getting annoyed when I ask for the 4th time in a month which way we turn at that same intersection.
Thank you for being the best life partner AND the best biking buddy a girl could have.