'sigh' Sex talk - need advice

[Kitsune06]

I don't know about this porn stuff, it's been around forever -- let's face it, guys can look at National Geographic and see porn! And as long as women are willing to show their stuff, guys are going to look. Doesn't mean they're going to act on it, just like we don't necessarily act on it when we see some great eye candy.

Nope, taking the emotion out of it's not the answer. Well, you could, but then it's just sex, and you might as well be getting paid for it. I'm pretty sure that's not what you're interested in. He's not interested in that either.

Karen in Boise

DGF likes pr0n a lot... it gets her in the mood sometimes; she's pretty visual. As for me- I can't unless it's something spontaneous. She can plan all she likes, but her plans are going to fizzle if it's not 'there' for me. Likewise, she can plan a night of movie watching, but if something strikes me about the way her new jeans look on her hips or the way the TV's glow illuminates her profile, there's going to be lots of movie not-watching going on.

She's had a hard time with it, but I think what's working for her is just going on an inclination. if she wants to for a little bit but then thinks "oh, well it's an early morning/the neighbors might hear/we should watch this movie" etc... she's learning to filter out what's a real valid reason *not* to, and what's a good thing to ignore, when it'll be fun anyway. *shrug*

Me, I can be considered a purist, maybe a prude in some circles. I don't especially like pr0n but if she likes it, hey, I can stand it for awhile... but the emotion *has* to be there, it cues the spontinaety. Otherwise, yeah, I might as well be paid for it... and that's a lot of work if you don't enjoy it. With anti-depressants, we accept that sometimes there'll be nights that things don't 'happen' (not to go into too much detail) or that it'll happen, but it takes an hour or three to get there. I just say "It's all the longer I get to enjoy you."

It's important for you to be able to trust that your lover won't get tired of it before you do. ...my ex fell asleep once. I was on Depo and couldn't get things to 'happen' for anything in the world... and he fell asleep. it hurt a lot. DGF worries, but she has no reason to. I work long hours.

Probably all TMI, but I think I give the best info from personal experience, so if you learned too much about me, try to forget? I dunno...

Then again, my ex and I worked quite well as companions, but not so well 'that way'... but we both recognized it as an issue (he didn't get what he wanted, I didn't get what I wanted) so we parted ways... but he's still like a brother to me; I love him to death... but I'm happier with my mate.