I sympathize with your loss. andf Thank you so much for sharing.
I lost my only sister and sibling in Feb. For two months I "helped" her die. Her funeral was Feb 14th. She never made it to the age of 40. I found myself in an unusual situation that I had lost my only sibling became an only child in my early thirties. And it is very true when they say the sibling is the forgotten survivor. I've been unable to find anyone in similar situation that can understand. As much as my partner tries, and despite all the loving support she provides, she just can not relate.
The days are still long, but I do find cycling a great outlet. Peace and quiet, and solitude. I find myself more centered and even keeled when I can put in the miles. I've had many conversations with her during these times as well. I still question why she was taken and I was spared, but I have resolved to live the best I can and ride to the end.
May you all find your corner of peace.