Who am I & What is this Handbasket?

[Kitsune06]

... so how do you pull someone *out* of the basket?

DGF is convinced that she *has* to work 52 hour weeks to "pay the bills, buy the food, put money in savings, etc etc etc." and has assured me that since one of her 3 jobs is being outsourced (later this year? next year?) she'd only be working 2 jobs after awhile... but this has also changed, so she would pick up the 18 hours at her other job. The excuse? "I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I wasn't working. What would I do, go home and clean?"

...I'm a messy critter. I said "Of course not. You used to work 48 hours a week, go to the gym, run, etc etc. What do you do now? You work 52 hrs a week, are exhausted, come home and go to sleep, or loaf because there's no energy left. Rediculous!"

...Cue grumping in my direction... to the effect of "If you made more money, I wouldn't have to work so much."

...cue job hunting on my part.

Ugh. How do you convince someone to just sit down, shut up, and do something that makes her happy that isn't work?! ARGH. It's not like we have kids or some outrageous rent or huge, high med bills or anything... she should have time to enjoy her life.

/rant.

[Dogmama]

Work addiction is insidious because it is lauded in our society. Does she realize that she is addicted to this "busy-ness?" Ask her what she is running from. Assuming that you really don't need the extra money, there are other things going on here.

[Kitsune06]

that was pretty much what I asked. Her previous relationship was lousy, so when she honestly didn't care if she was at work or at home, she figured "why not work, I get money for being there" and even after that, she got 'used' to it, so... yeah. I don't *think* we need the money, but she feels like it's 'safety' and the more of it she can have, the happier she is, though I remind her (sometimes getting sort of upset) that she's going to look back on her mid-to-late 20s as "That time that I.... worked." She doesn't get it... and when I try to explain it to her, she flat out says "I don't get it. Money's a good thing. I have all the time in the world."
... I wonder if the fact that her dad is an accountant has anything to do with it?

[Bruno28]

... I wonder if the fact that her dad is an accountant has anything to do with it?

No, really, I must object. It's an unrepresentative rogue element of 99.9% of accountants that give the rest of us a bad name.


Sadly I know from personal experience that no amount of telling will make a person see they are working too hard.....

[gozlin7]

She doesn't get it... and when I try to explain it to her, she flat out says "I don't get it. Money's a good thing. I have all the time in the world."
...

It sounds like she doesn't get that we don't have all the time in the world... there are no guarantees of how much time we get... I used to think that same way during my 20s, 30s and much of my 40s. There was a lot of someday thinking in my life. This year I had a cancer scare (luckily it turned out not to be cancer) that reminded me that those somedays are really todays and I am enjoying each day a whole lot more now than I did while waiting for someday. I missed time with some special people in my life who are now gone because of my "all the time in the world" thinking.

[LBTC]

Yeah, I don't know how you get someone else to change the way they think, I just know the things that have changed the way I think.

A broken shoulder - a lot of sitting still and being amazed at the wonder of a flower

A dog going through cancer and cancer treatment - when your dogs are your kids this has a big impact. Lots of putting off other things, learning how to keep me healthy enough to cope, and losing myself in flowers some more

My husband having a cancer scare which, thankfully, turned out to not be cancer. Understanding that I have the strength to do what I have to do, and being so happy I don't have to prove it.

Depression caused by being black balled by the cycling community where I used to live for standing up for ethics. Trying to let go of things I can't control and getting lost in more flowers.

And most lately, the mysterious belly problem that we hope to be diagnosed by the CT scan next week. Trying to turn the frustration that this body that I had finally trained to be strong and fit that now needs more rest than an old man, into some kind of healing inspiration. Re-learning half-learned yoga lessons, and more flower saturation.

So, really, what has it all got me? I love to take photos. Check out my blog if you like. http://picsiechick.blogspot.com/
or PM me to be added to my picture a day list. I email one out to over a hundred people virtually every day, hoping that some smiles and positive energy reach the people who need it. Besides, one day those babies will make me the money I need to survive. Until then, I stick with the safety of the full time job.

We can't plan how we will learn and grow. We can only be receptive to the lessons that come into our lives.

In the meantime, I'll think of you both surrounded by butterflies. Perhaps there will be some surrender to the sound and stunning beauty of it.

Namaste,
~T~

[Dogmama]

When my husband went through the cancer surgery and multiple hospitalizations due to complications, I spent every day & night with him. I would go home twice a day to feed the dog & cat & let them outside. My world shrunk down to my home, the hospital and the route that I would drive. This went on for months.

I recall being jealous of people who got to get up, go to work and lead normal lives. Even Monday mornings looked good to me.

Guess I needed to start this thread to realize my blessings. Thank you from the bottom of my heart to all of the incredible women who posted.

T - my 14 year old German Shepherd (also my substitute kid) is having difficulty getting around due to a neurological condition. It breaks my heart every time her hips give out and she lands on the floor. I understand completely. I've cooked for her for over five years because she has IBS (just like me!) Occasionally, there are evenings when I'm making her dinners for the week and I send DH out for Subway!

[LBTC]

Dogmama, I'm sorry about your "kid", it's never easy to watch them helplessly from the sidelines....

I guess that I didn't make my own message very clear, though. My dear dog survived 17 months after his diagnosis, and passed away nearly 6 years ago. It was life changing for me, so it made the list. The only item that I'm still living, we hope will be solved once the CT scan explains it. All the rest I experience the results of on a daily basis, but are part of my herstory.

I hope your German Shepherd has a gentle time of his last years. You're a wonderful person for being there for him.

And how is your husband doing now? When were the cancer treatments?

hugs and butterflies to you....
~T~