Who am I & What is this Handbasket?

[Bad JuJu]

Xeney--I have to agree with Mimi--you sound so unhappy! I could think of a couple of suggestions, like hiring someone to clean the house maybe a couple of times a month, or getting the non-primary breadwinner to pitch in a little with the bathroom-cleaning and dog-walking. But those are just stop-gap measures, when the real issue lies in asking yourself those questions Mimi asked.

On the other hand, I'm no shining example. I have a great campus gym where I can work out, but only go sporadically. I love yoga, but only get there about once or twice a month. Absolutely KNOW I need to eat better, but somehow...don't. Loving to ride my bike and actually doing it are my saving graces. And remembering, like Lisa S.H., all the good things I DO and HAVE in my life.

Just my $.02.

[esther231]

Dogmama, good questions. I have no clue.

I think life is a balance. Sometimes, I'm leaning too much in one direction and I start neglecting the other parts of my life. Something wakes me up and I remember to balance again. It happens over and over and over again so you're in great company.

Xeney, I worked 6 days a week for six years. I just went back to 5 days a week this year. What I did during those years that kept me sane was become fiercely protective of my day off. I had to. Sometimes I didn't do anything with the day and sometimes I did alot with the day. I did learn to say no - I can't come to whatever or do whatever - cause I needed some time during the week that was mine. I could fill it up ahead of time with stuff I wanted to do but I wouldn't allow it to fill up with stuff that I didn't really want to do. Hang in there.

[LBTC]

This is a pretty inspiring thread! I'm glad I stopped in to read it.

I, too, have not been making the time for me for quite awhile. A move to a new more challenging job in a new city, 4 months apart from my husband and kids (2 dogs and 2 cats), a new house, higher costs, lower income (DH is in school now to become a plumber)....

but my body took over and told me it was time to rest. Whatever the internal organ problem is will hopefully be diagnosed at my CT scan in one week. In the meantime, anything strenuous, including riding my bike, even power walking or doing pushups and situps, exhaust me in no time at all.

A series of reminders have led me back to yoga, and to some discoveries of yogic methods I had previously overlooked. I still have little discipline to delve very deeply, but at least I begin each day with a short, gentle yoga session.

I remind myself often of how much I have to be grateful for. This move has been such a relief from the life we were living in a depressing little town. My job is interesting, and will always be changing and new. I have opportunities in this new city to develop a business in my other passion, photography, and my husband has gotten out of the dead-end mill job and will be a plumber! Even the dogs and cats seem to be doing better.

Being somewhat addicted to adrenalin, it is difficult to tell myself that it's not only okay, but quite necessary for me to spend lots of time resting, walking gently, stretching, just be-ing, but I am beginning to get the hang of it. Thank goodness I have my husband, my "kids" and my camera! And, if I keep on this journey and this practice, one day I'll even be thankful for *me*. As will you.

You are exactly where the universe wants you to be right now. Follow your intuition. Do you need change? Or is there another lesson in there for you?

Be well

Namaste,
~T~

[xeney]

Thank you for the expressions of concern, everyone. It has been a really rough year but on my better days I do see that there is an end in sight, eventually. My husband will be mostly done with school at the end of the spring semester, which will give him more free time, and give me more options for work. Right now I have to keep my job and my benefits, because he needs a fourth round of knee surgery. Once that is over I will probably quit and go into private practice, something I planned to do last year but scrapped when his job situation got dicey.

I'm a little afraid to make plans, though, because they tend to go awry. I had all kinds of thoughts about taking it easy this fall, being nice to myself, scaling back, but then my office wound up incredibly short handed after two medical emergencies put two of our biggest workers out for three to five months. It's hard to plan for the big emergencies, you know?

Right now I am coping by doing a really bad job at every task that I secretly think is dumb and unimportant busy work.

[LBTC]

Right now I am coping by doing a really bad job at every task that I secretly think is dumb and unimportant busy work.

Fabulous! Your coping strategy enables my laugh therapy!

Namaste,
~T~

[Kitsune06]

... so how do you pull someone *out* of the basket?

DGF is convinced that she *has* to work 52 hour weeks to "pay the bills, buy the food, put money in savings, etc etc etc." and has assured me that since one of her 3 jobs is being outsourced (later this year? next year?) she'd only be working 2 jobs after awhile... but this has also changed, so she would pick up the 18 hours at her other job. The excuse? "I wouldn't know what to do with myself if I wasn't working. What would I do, go home and clean?"

...I'm a messy critter. I said "Of course not. You used to work 48 hours a week, go to the gym, run, etc etc. What do you do now? You work 52 hrs a week, are exhausted, come home and go to sleep, or loaf because there's no energy left. Rediculous!"

...Cue grumping in my direction... to the effect of "If you made more money, I wouldn't have to work so much."

...cue job hunting on my part.

Ugh. How do you convince someone to just sit down, shut up, and do something that makes her happy that isn't work?! ARGH. It's not like we have kids or some outrageous rent or huge, high med bills or anything... she should have time to enjoy her life.

/rant.

[Dogmama]

Work addiction is insidious because it is lauded in our society. Does she realize that she is addicted to this "busy-ness?" Ask her what she is running from. Assuming that you really don't need the extra money, there are other things going on here.

[Kitsune06]

that was pretty much what I asked. Her previous relationship was lousy, so when she honestly didn't care if she was at work or at home, she figured "why not work, I get money for being there" and even after that, she got 'used' to it, so... yeah. I don't *think* we need the money, but she feels like it's 'safety' and the more of it she can have, the happier she is, though I remind her (sometimes getting sort of upset) that she's going to look back on her mid-to-late 20s as "That time that I.... worked." She doesn't get it... and when I try to explain it to her, she flat out says "I don't get it. Money's a good thing. I have all the time in the world."
... I wonder if the fact that her dad is an accountant has anything to do with it?