Who am I & What is this Handbasket?

[mlove]

I have grappled with this for years. Faculty members think I should be around whenever they need me and the students think I work 24/7. My brothers "tease" me because I don't work a 60-80 hour week--but I don't earn the kind of money for that many hours. Of course none of them see the computer work on the weekends, the grading and keeping up with class prep, even though it isn't really part of my job to teach.

Having been in therapy three times since I took this job in 1990, there are no easy answers. Working out at the gym lowers my high levels of adrenaline. Having started riding this summer has helped. Knowing I am retiring in two months is definitely making a difference. But I still wake up at 4:30, wondering if I can get through the working day and what unpleasant things will hit me.

Spend time with people you enjoy and make time for activities you want to do. Easier to say than to do, but everything worthwhile takes some thought and effort.

[xeney]

This is a big problem for me. After a really, really bad year -- huge, crushing workload, a couple of miscarriages, my husband deciding that he didn't want kids anyway -- I decided that the least I could do for myself was to stop working weekends, to tell my firm that I can't do every single thing they ask me to do, and just dial it back a notch. But then two coworkers went out with medical problems that make my life look like a picnic, so there went that plan. There is no end in sight and most weeks it seems like there is not one thing I can do to bring a little joy to my life. Most weeks it is a struggle to find 20 minutes to work out, to walk the dogs, to clean the bathroom, to read a book.

I am the primary breadwinner and that makes the strain worse, probably, because I never have the option of just walking away. Although that option looks better and better.

[mtbdarby]

Rochelle,
I'm up here in Merrill, so it's at Trinity Lutheran church. Just deciding to do the course has pepped me up a bit! I'm really looking forward to it.

[roshelleuop]

Good for you! I'm thinking about doing the course this winter after all cycling events have slowed down. Good luck and if you remember when it's all over, let me know how it is!!!!

Take care!!!!

Roshelle

[mimitabby]

This is a big problem for me. After a really, really bad year -- huge, crushing workload, a couple of miscarriages, my husband deciding that he didn't want kids anyway -- I decided that the least I could do for myself was to stop working weekends, to tell my firm that I can't do every single thing they ask me to do, and just dial it back a notch. But then two coworkers went out with medical problems that make my life look like a picnic, so there went that plan. There is no end in sight and most weeks it seems like there is not one thing I can do to bring a little joy to my life. Most weeks it is a struggle to find 20 minutes to work out, to walk the dogs, to clean the bathroom, to read a book.

I am the primary breadwinner and that makes the strain worse, probably, because I never have the option of just walking away. Although that option looks better and better.

Xeney, boy you have really gone through a lot. Sometimes you really have to ask, is this (situation, partner, job) what you want, today, tomorrow, the rest of your life?
do you really want to stay where you are?
for the rest of your only life?

[Bad JuJu]

Xeney--I have to agree with Mimi--you sound so unhappy! I could think of a couple of suggestions, like hiring someone to clean the house maybe a couple of times a month, or getting the non-primary breadwinner to pitch in a little with the bathroom-cleaning and dog-walking. But those are just stop-gap measures, when the real issue lies in asking yourself those questions Mimi asked.

On the other hand, I'm no shining example. I have a great campus gym where I can work out, but only go sporadically. I love yoga, but only get there about once or twice a month. Absolutely KNOW I need to eat better, but somehow...don't. Loving to ride my bike and actually doing it are my saving graces. And remembering, like Lisa S.H., all the good things I DO and HAVE in my life.

Just my $.02.

[esther231]

Dogmama, good questions. I have no clue.

I think life is a balance. Sometimes, I'm leaning too much in one direction and I start neglecting the other parts of my life. Something wakes me up and I remember to balance again. It happens over and over and over again so you're in great company.

Xeney, I worked 6 days a week for six years. I just went back to 5 days a week this year. What I did during those years that kept me sane was become fiercely protective of my day off. I had to. Sometimes I didn't do anything with the day and sometimes I did alot with the day. I did learn to say no - I can't come to whatever or do whatever - cause I needed some time during the week that was mine. I could fill it up ahead of time with stuff I wanted to do but I wouldn't allow it to fill up with stuff that I didn't really want to do. Hang in there.

[LBTC]

This is a pretty inspiring thread! I'm glad I stopped in to read it.

I, too, have not been making the time for me for quite awhile. A move to a new more challenging job in a new city, 4 months apart from my husband and kids (2 dogs and 2 cats), a new house, higher costs, lower income (DH is in school now to become a plumber)....

but my body took over and told me it was time to rest. Whatever the internal organ problem is will hopefully be diagnosed at my CT scan in one week. In the meantime, anything strenuous, including riding my bike, even power walking or doing pushups and situps, exhaust me in no time at all.

A series of reminders have led me back to yoga, and to some discoveries of yogic methods I had previously overlooked. I still have little discipline to delve very deeply, but at least I begin each day with a short, gentle yoga session.

I remind myself often of how much I have to be grateful for. This move has been such a relief from the life we were living in a depressing little town. My job is interesting, and will always be changing and new. I have opportunities in this new city to develop a business in my other passion, photography, and my husband has gotten out of the dead-end mill job and will be a plumber! Even the dogs and cats seem to be doing better.

Being somewhat addicted to adrenalin, it is difficult to tell myself that it's not only okay, but quite necessary for me to spend lots of time resting, walking gently, stretching, just be-ing, but I am beginning to get the hang of it. Thank goodness I have my husband, my "kids" and my camera! And, if I keep on this journey and this practice, one day I'll even be thankful for *me*. As will you.

You are exactly where the universe wants you to be right now. Follow your intuition. Do you need change? Or is there another lesson in there for you?

Be well

Namaste,
~T~

[xeney]

Thank you for the expressions of concern, everyone. It has been a really rough year but on my better days I do see that there is an end in sight, eventually. My husband will be mostly done with school at the end of the spring semester, which will give him more free time, and give me more options for work. Right now I have to keep my job and my benefits, because he needs a fourth round of knee surgery. Once that is over I will probably quit and go into private practice, something I planned to do last year but scrapped when his job situation got dicey.

I'm a little afraid to make plans, though, because they tend to go awry. I had all kinds of thoughts about taking it easy this fall, being nice to myself, scaling back, but then my office wound up incredibly short handed after two medical emergencies put two of our biggest workers out for three to five months. It's hard to plan for the big emergencies, you know?

Right now I am coping by doing a really bad job at every task that I secretly think is dumb and unimportant busy work.

[LBTC]

Right now I am coping by doing a really bad job at every task that I secretly think is dumb and unimportant busy work.

Fabulous! Your coping strategy enables my laugh therapy!

Namaste,
~T~