OK, maybe some of you can relate. Maybe not. And yes, this is a bit of a whine session.

So, my dear boyfriend, for my Birthday... trying to be creative and fresh with his gift giving... gave me a session with a photographer. Very sweet of him to think of me and to try to surprise me with a wonderful gift.

The problem?

Well, I'm the heaviest I have ever been in my entire life. Seriously. I have never weighed this much, or had this much fat on my body before. I DO NOT feel attractive. So, the thought of having to "look pretty" in pictures is making me sick to my stomach.

So, the next logical step... is for me to lose the pounds. Which I can do. But, I have to do it when I'm not riding 3-4 days a week, and training for tri's.... because I can't train on 1600 calories a day. And for me to lose my weight... I need to live on 1600 calories a day.

With that said... living on 1600 calories a day is MISERABLE. I'm grumpy, light-headed, can't think straight... just plain miserable. But I can do it when I need to get skinny again. Of course these days, just living my every day life... I don't care about being that skinny... so I don't try to make myself miserable on 1600 calories a day.

Basically, the thought of having to take these freaking pictures is stressing me out beyond belief. To get them done I have to:

1) Diet for 2 months to lose 10 pounds.
2) Get my hair done.
3) Find a makeup artist to make me look good in the pictures.

This doesn't really seem like a gift to me. It's just stress.

Yes, I talked to him about it... and told him how I felt... and he got really upset that I didn't like his gift and thought I was being silly. Then he told me to just call the lady and see what she can do.

Well... she can't make me thin... so... whatever. Sure, there is air brushing... but dang... I don't want to not look like me. If I have to air brushed THAT much, what's the point?

UUUGGGGHHH!!!!!

I suggested to him that I might call to see if she could refund his money... but again... he got upset.

Yea... I dread the idea of taking these pictures. DREAD IT.