I would guess part of your problem IS the stress. When my husband and I get stressed out, we tend to pull inward and it can really drive a wedge between us, unintentionally. We work in the same place, too (a small, quickly growing, fast paced software company), so our stressful times unfortunately tend to align. Being together just feels like another task to add to the list that we'll never get to, don't have time for, and a zillion other excuses.

Eventually we finally get to the edge, admit that we're both feeling this way, vow to try again and do better next time, and it all starts over. Every time it happens, it happens so gradually, but I see myself in a very similar position to the one you describe many times before. Over time, it has gotten better, but it's something we have to work on together, even if one of us has a more stressful job or copes with stress better. Managing stress is no simple task -- ironic that just keeping tabs on stress is stressful!

We have also found that making time for us to set aside our lives, if even for an hour, has helped. A weekend where we are by ourselves, a picnic, a bike ride together, a movie... just something that lets us reset and be together by ourselves. It doesn't have to lead to sex, but it can bring back some of the closeness that gets you one step further.

You'll make it, I'm sure -- even coming here and talking about it is a huge step in the right direction. Good luck!