Is this my attitude?

[chickwhorips]

my bf will do this sometimes, though usually he tries to stick by me. he'll get about 10 ft ahead of me and tell me to hurry up. my problem is he's been racing and riding for years and years and i just started. so i know i'm not as good as he is. i'm happy when he does ride with me, makes me go faster even if he's getting ahead and looking back (which does get annoying and i usually scream for him to keep going and i'll catch up to him sometime).

at least your DH didn't power up the hill infront of you, get off his crossbike, pick it up, run next to you for a bit while you barely passed him, and jump back on the bike and ride past you. i know he did it in good fun but i still had to give him a pretty finger of mine (while trying not to show him i was actually laughing).

[Duck on Wheels]

Hmmm. OK. I can see how from one perspective this turning-back-and-waiting thing can be irritating. But it can also be irritating to be left behind. Maybe not so much on a familiar route. We'd both know where we're going and both know that both can make it. But it sometimes really bugs me when DH takes off trekking up a mountain without at least agreeing on some plan as to where we'll meet up, or where I'll stop if I decide I'm not going for the top, without checking that all those he's leaving behind have enough food, water, warm gear. There he is up on the peak with the thermos full of hot chocolate, while the rest of us (well, me usually) have run out of steam half-way down and could have used some of that hot chocolate for a second burst of energy. Could maybe also have used some encouragement, or just plain company. Last time this happened, he also had the keys to the car. I hiked back to the parking lot, then just sat there sweaty, freezing and hungry with all the spare gear and food locked in the trunk. Baaaaad planning!
And yet ... I can't expect him to hang back with me on every trip. He does often plan a "recovery" (for him) trek the next day, which goes in a terrain and at a pace I can keep up. There have also been times when we plan two bike loops -- one long one and one that short-cuts across the outermost segment. At the cut-off point I can take the short route, then we meet up where they rejoin and bike together for a while again until we're on the home stretch. If he still has it in him at that point, he'll sometimes take off again for a final spurt. Now if only my shipped stuff from Wisconsin would finally get here, we could try that again. Sigh.

[Melstar]

Simple solution! Get a tandem! Voila!

[susiej]

My husband did this too, and it aggravated the daylights out of me because I wanted to ride with him!

In about two years, you can probably use our solution too: Make him carry your toddler on (or after) his bike. (Actually, I wish we had a trailer -- safer if the bike falls.) He'll be pulling an extra 20 to 30 pounds. If you REALLY want to slow him down, make sure the trailer/bike seat only fits the half-broken mountain bike with knobby wheels.

I don't think it's your attitude. In any relationship, casual or intimate, everyone has to balance what's important to all members.

SJ

[Dianyla]

Get him a rear-view mirror. Seriously. I've been in the position of riding with someone slower than I and it's impossible for them to not feel pressured every time I looked back to make sure they're still back there. It's hard enough to avoid feeling this just with friends, let alone with a significant other. But now that I have a rear-view mirror I can just take a surreptitious peek backwards and they don't feel harried.

Besides, rear-view mirrors are just good safety equipment to have, anyway.