i am sorry he is so defensive. it really makes it difficult for you. my own husband who is a saint, sometimes, he feels like i am rejecting him, and really, i am just rejecting sex. But it still hurts him, which in turn hurts me. so i usually end up crying when he takes it the wrong way or he seems to be angry at the situation. as i have told him over and over, i think it hurts ME more than him..b/c i am the "failure". i am the defective one. and all i want more than anything in the world, is to make my Husband happy and to make him proud to be with me. And altho sex is not the entire part of a person, it is still a part that is important. i hope you can talk to him again, when he is in a calm state of mind. he might even feel bad for how he reacted the first time. Good luck to you. and don't give up..