'sigh' Sex talk - need advice

[Cassandra_Cain]

Hi Cheri - this is not easy, of that I'm sure - both what is going on and sharing this kind of thing with the board.

Plus, from everything you said it is rather ironic - you make all these positive changes in your life, you feel healthy, fit, and strong but then your libido swings downward. Hard to figure for sure.

I guess there are two avenues on this situation. On the one, you have the physiological stuff which your doctor, GYN, or endocronologist can give you the best advice on. Whether it is hormonal, or otherwise. All sorts of causes can exist, for instance, I have a girlfriend who had very little in the way of a sex drive. Her endo prescribed some medication and hormonal treatments which had a positive effect.

The other aspect was touched on by someone before me who said, very accurately, that our sex drive tends to be in our minds, rather than our bodies. I tend to agree with that. I'm not a counselor (yet!), but the relationship you have with your current b/f is something to be looked at. Without getting to specific - attraction, chemistry, mood, etc. Then of course, you have stress, work, etc. One thing some of us forget, who do a lot of riding or exercise, is we can make ourselves too tired for sex. It is a balance - too much exercise and your libido suffers, just the right amount and it will benefit the former.

From what you said, you've obviously had a healthy libido before, but just are having issues with it now. I'm sure you can once again have that once things get sorted out.

Good luck!

[cherinyc]

Thanks for the replies. I have received a few pm's, and combined with these postings, I am greatful for the support. I want to respond specifically to various things that were written, but, having had my share of emotional expulsion for the day.....I think I will ponder a bit - and reply when I can adequately communicate my feelings. Emotions are exhausting.
you ladies are the best!!

[makbike]

Cheri:

Is your thyroid okay? If you have not had it checked recently it might be worth donating some blood for low thyroid levels can cause one's libido to go south quickly.

I hope you can resolve this issue soon. Take care of yourself.

[cherinyc]

Is your thyroid okay? If you have not had it checked recently it might be worth donating some blood for low thyroid levels can cause one's libido to go south quickly.

I donated blood end of April. Not too long ago. I didn't hear of any problems, just got a card in the mail telling me my blood type was A-.
Would they've told me if there was something wrong with my blood?

[makbike]

Cheri:

The American Red Cross, I believe, simply checks your red blood cell count along with checking for blood borne pathogens. You need to ask your gyno or family doc about pulling blood for specific tests.

I suffer from hypothyroidism and I can tell you until it was diagnosed and treated I had zero sex drive. Once my doctor found the correct dose of thyroid medication for me things returned to normal.

Good luck and keep us posted.

[bcipam]

I'm assuming you have disclosed all your concerns and symptoms to your family doctor. It would be up to your doctor to order the labs for blood work. Very specific tests need to be run to find problems. I know alot of folks give blood thinking the Red Cross or Donor Center is also going to do a full physical to find problems. They don't. I just gave bllod last week for one set of issues and ham ordered back again this week for something else. Geez, why couldn't they find it all in the first batch! My poor arm is starting to get "needle tracks"!

If you truly feel you are having a physical problem over anything else, then get to your doctor ASAP and let him know. Take a lesson from someone who is now paying the price for not getting to the doctor when she should have... see the doctor and rule out a physical problem.

Then if they find nothing... work on reconnecting...

[kerrybelle]

Wish I had a solution for you, but I don't. I'm pretty much in the same boat. Only difference is I'll be married 16 years come December. I agree with Colleen it feels more like a chore most of the time. Dh has a very high sex drivem which is no help to me. I do believe a lot of it can be mental though. Hope you can get back in the groove....

Kerry

[Bluetree]

Yes Cheri,
you were right to come here. I think what everyone agrees is that its OK to talk about these things and enlist help in overcoming problems. And its vital to talk to your CBF and your PCP and OB-GYN.

I think you'll be very surprised at how understanding your CBF can be... men have a need to FIX things and he may feel useless/helpless if you don't present him with things to, well, fix. Once you make him aware of the problem I'm sure he'll be gung ho and extra supportive... esp. because he knows what the rewards are!

Your PCP and Ob-gyn are also essential places to go. Believe me, having lived with physicians for years, there isn't much they haven't seen or heard.
If it's physical, they probably have the solution.

Most of all, don't beat yourself up over this. As women, we often make things more emotional and complicated than they really are. Let people help you... not only for your own sake, but for theirs. People who care about you want to help... the most unselfish thing you can do is to let them.

Take care.

[mimitabby]

the best form of birth control for leaving your sex drive alone is a vasectomy.
I suffered from not much sex drive too while i was on the pill.
A marriage with a vasectomy right after 2 kids are born is what i've had, and it's the best
way to go!
I was never super hot, so add that little bit of hormones
and what i had would have just gone away.

and now, as an old lady,... well, let's just say it's along the same lines
as making a nice dinner or giving / getting a good massage. something you do for happiness, pleasure and togetherness. hey, or riding a bike!

[CycleChic06]

Cheri
I just had this same conversation with my friend. She had a similar problem, completely lost her libido, but for her it turned out that as soon as she switched her pill she was totally fine. All our body chemistrys are different and we all react differently to hormones. What could be fine for one person could totally screw with someone else. I would totally ask your doctor again if she can switch your pill.

Emily

[bcipam]

Cher...

Put things in prespective... you could be 55, beauty and youth long past, living alone with no prospects of romance except for a cat who loves you but maybe its because you are a food giver, day in and day out, no one to share your day and life with, except again the cat, having a sex drive but no release or anyone to play with.***

Life's not perfect, be grateful for what you have. Give him a big hug, snuggle up and tell him you love him dearly and see what happens. Many would love to be in your shoes, lack of sex drive and all...


***this is just a hypothetical mind you... I'm not in anyway talkin' about myself!

[Meaux]

cherinyc-
I completely understand what you're going through. A combination of birth control, anti-depressants and an incredibly high stress job have completely killed my libido. And I haven't even been married a year. Hope you manage to work through all of this. It's frustrating to deal with a lack of libido on top of everything else.

[Bikingmomof3]

Cheri,
You have received some great advice. I am glad you felt comfortable coming here. I understand what you are going through. For me, my daily medication plays a huge role. Add that with the daily monotony of every day life and the stress which comes with it. Now throw in 3 teen kids and exercise (all of which I love), and I am exhausted by 8pm and the last thing on my mind is being intimate. Yes, I see the "studies" which claim a healthy sex life is x number of times per week and those just make me feel badly. My husband is wonderful and blessedly just as exhausted as I am. He is also extremely understanding. If you have not discussed this with your CBF, please do. Share with him what you shared with us. The two of you will work through this and there is nothing wrong with you. ((((((((HUGS))))))))))