I just went through this, and the problem IS solvable. I had my LBS put women-specific Shimano levers on my ultegra-equipped bike (apparently they have a shorter throw to shift) and shims to bring the levers closer to the handlebars. Even with that I couldn't shift in the front rings at all. Once another mechanic adjusted everything again (a new set of eyes and hands) I now can shift very easily. Don't let them tell you it's just you, because it isn't.