about myself is that if im riding with someone who is more experienced and confident (men or women!), i tend to not experiment so often because i'm trying to do what they think is right and just keep up without hitting trees.This is metaphorical because i'm too damn chicken to mountain bike.
So I alternate riding with better riders with riding alone. when I ride alone, i can be cautious without holding anyone else back and get the feel of the bike without getting confused by what i'm hearing from my riding partner. Ultimately, you have to have your own little relationship with the bike; i love my bike.
you need to be able to sense, by hearing the chain or by the feel of the pedalling, that you need to gear up. cause it sounds like you need to gear up at least sometimes and you arent comfortable with it. do what makes your bike happy and you will love riding. listen to the bike not just your partner.
yoda finished speaking now.
you are so brave!