Dear crazy rich lady in Santa Barbara,

Thank you so much for the kind words regardng my work as an equine artist.

Please be aware, however, that I work exclusively with horses, not dogs. While I am flattered that you are willing to double my fee to make an exception in your case, I am afraid that I cannot do so.

I am aware that you have lost a dear friend in your Shih Tsu. I, too, have grieved over a lost pet. However, I have never taken it so far as to have my dearly departed canine freeze-dried. Yes, I will take your word that Muffy looks quite real in her mummified sleeping position. I believe you when you tell me she doesn't smell. However, the thought of someone sending me their dead dog via Priority Mail so I can paint her likeness is, well... a bit morbid.

Might I suggest that there are better things to do with your time and money? Perhaps volunteering at your local animal shelter will help ease some of the pain in your loss.

Again, thank you for inquiring about my services. Perhaps we can speak again when you acquire a horse. Preferably a live one.

Warmest regards,
Joy