OT: Quitting the Rat Race

[Bikingmomof3]

I dont have kids, but I can say this with confidence - you haven't worked full-time until you've been a SAHM. There is no break, no pat on the back, no 5 o'clock whistle. Now that's full-time work.

No, there is no break at all. What amazes me is just how much more work the boys become the older they get. I made it through each stage telling myself it gets easier-it does not. I may complain occassionally (alright a lot ) but i all seriousness I would not do things differently...well maybe a mental break now and then would be nice....

[Cassandra_Cain]

No, there is no break at all. What amazes me is just how much more work the boys become the older they get. I made it through each stage telling myself it gets easier-it does not. I may complain occassionally (alright a lot ) but i all seriousness I would not do things differently...well maybe a mental break now and then would be nice....

mental break eh? I hear ya

But then, coming here helps - a little at least right?

[DDH]

Yes, Bikingmomof3, I understand. I only have the 1 child so your hands are even more full than mine. I do have the MIL and mother to look after and am constantly doing things for, or running errands for or dr's appts. They sometimes are more work than my son and husband. I know that someday I will grow old and need help, (if I'm lucky enough) and I try very hard to be a good example for my son as far as how we are suppose to take care of our parents after they grow old.

Do you feel like even if you go on vacation that you still don't get a vacation.
When we go camping, or traveling, I am still the one that cooks, cleans, and takes care of things. DH does the grilling, but I even prepare that usually. He slaps it on the grill, watches it cook and then brings it in for us to eat. LOL

Since I quit my job, I feel like everyone's life got simpler but mine.
Like everyone else has said, it's a trade off. You trade one set of simplifications for another and one set of frustrations for another.
Don't get me wrong girls. I love being a SAHM and being here for my DH and DS. I am a pretty simple person and it doesn't take a lot to please me. I get pleasure just knowing that I make my husbands life simpler and that I am here for my son ANYTIME he needs me. Thats not to say working mothers aren't, I don't want to start a war or anything, it's just a different mind set for the kids I think. Trust me, I have been in both positions, working outside the home, and now not working outside the home. He is 11 and is a little more independent but I don't care how old they get, they still need their parents. Shoot, I still need mine sometimes as far as their wisdom, or advice goes.

[wabisabi]

It is wonderful to hear this question as well as the responses. I have not been around much because I had a change in my job status. I work at a university, and it appears that my (sole) office was downsized, though I think that is not the whole story and that it has a lot to do with my being a woman in a job where I have to tell people that they are doing enough for diversity. There is a big controversy about it and I have a number of faculty friends, and will take legal action, etc., but that is not the point here. I was actually feeling so downtrodden and marginalized that, for one of the only times in my life, felt dread about going to work. One of my friends commented that she could see why I rode my bike so much! I had concluded that I would quit by the end of the year if I was still unhappy, and this just sort of speeded things up. I've got a little severence, so have some time to contemplate the big picture. It is so wonderful to get out of the rat race!

So, I've been thinking about simplifying life for a while. I'm fortunate to live in a place that is pretty supportive of cycling, recyling and voluntary simplicity. It's important to have some support for a less materialistic way of living. It's amazing what we need to spend to make up for the frustration and unhappiness of our work lives! I'm in the process of paring down what I own, which makes for less to worry about. Learning to work on my VW Bus again, with a cycling friend, and will probably sell the Subaru and keep the bus (OK, I realize that is unusual, but that is my particular quirk).

The most exciting thing is that I am planning to go into a spiritual retreat for a year or so, which can be done reasonably, and I have so longed to do such a retreat.

Of course, I am also close to retirement age, so once I do that I will have a base income, but there are many people who find a niche for themselves doing something that they love. Women in particular have been doing this because too often the cultures of large organizations just do not work for us.

Although pretty well-paid, I have usually worked on the agenda of others. If you can manage to have a pretty good overlap of your passion with what you do, that is great. It is definitely, in my opinion, not worth any sacrifice of one's soul or health. My colitis is clearing up and my shoulders are less hard each day, and, I can ride my bike on Thusday mornings if I want. Which is what I plan do do right now!

[RoadRaven]

No, there is no break at all. What amazes me is just how much more work the boys become the older they get. I made it through each stage telling myself it gets easier-it does not. I may complain occassionally (alright a lot ) but i all seriousness I would not do things differently...well maybe a mental break now and then would be nice....

Hi there... with 5 kids can I assure you it does get easier - a different kind've 'hard' but certainly easier in terms of demands...

Example, my two oldest are 18 and 17...
I, my partner and the 15 1/2 year old went racing today, leaving the 12 and 10 year olds in the older kid's care.

All went well, the dinner is cvooked, the clean washing folded and half of the dishes done.

As well - the three boys went out the back for a while making huts and building bear traps while my 18yr old got on with her homework.



Re the RAT RACE topic of this thread -
Cycling is my escape from the rat-race - I am very much interested in quitting my job - I'm sick and tired of the proverbial 'rat-race'
But I am stuck racing with the other rats til my youngest finishes school - my job helps pay for the petrol costs of running the kids in to High School.

[tygab]

This is such an interesting topic I don't even know where to begin....

I am 34, and am in the tech (computer) industry. I went to college with the intent of becoming a wildlife biologist. The most fun I've ever had in a job was as an assistant to a biologist. I got to drive around in a Bronco, and interact with wild animals (a little more complex than that but that's what it felt like). That was the best!

To make a long story short, after school I needed a pay the bills job and I'd worked in the university's computer labs as part of my aid package. This was at the time when the public was just catching on that this thing called the Internet might be really interesting and change how we live and communicate. So, I went to work for a small local ISP, an have been in tech ever since. There have been several times along the way I have wondered why I was doing what I was doing, what my life purpose is, most importantly how I could get outside more and do something I love to be doing. Earlier on I told myself I would save up money and position myself to be able to do something more personally satisfying, most likely an outdoors or environment related job. A few years ago I started formulating a plan after getting so stressed out that I had to go to the ER for an irregular heart beat (turns out to be a very manageable situation and not a problem, just very disconcerting when it happens). And I had been getting migraines from stress too.

It will take maybe 5 or 6 years to be able to make the true shift, and I'm in year 2 now. But in the meanwhile, I was not sure how I could deal with being in the large company environment which was driving me nearly insane.

So... I have just left the huge company (10,000+) for a small company (100). It cuts down my commute from 45 minutes one way (which was at non-rush hour times to avoid traffic... if I had to go at rush hour that could easily be 1hr 15) to 15 mins. I take regular roads, not jammed up highways. I can go to work at the same hours others do. I can even bike if I get up the nerve to because it's only 10 miles (no showers at work tho and so far I am still too chicken too because of traffic volume ). And I am trying *VERY* hard to make sure my new job does not sprawl into unreasonable hours and homework, things I did not do well previously.

I joined a gym about 2 mins away from the work by car, so I can work out on inclement weather days which we get plenty of or at least will. The office park has lots of paths and an area with a basketball court (too bad I am not interested in basketball). A fair number of people use the paths to run or walk. I've even seen some lunchtime cyclists but I don't know how to reach them (not in my building) to join. I have been trying to be good about running or biking, outside or indoors @ gym, at least 3 times during the work week, and taking a walk on the paths on non exercise days. I have met up with the local cycling club for after work rides a few times too. Side note, I am curious to know if the paths get shoveled in the winter - if they don't, I'll be snowshoeing at lunch - woohoo! I have also been drinking more water, eating better food, and trying to sleep more (actually my biggest weakness, not sleeping enough). And I try to do fun things on the weekend.

Bottom line to all this is most of my stress comes from the work environment, so I realized that as long as I was going to be working for a corporation, which I need to be for the time being, I better find ways to keep my perspective and not get wrapped around the axle. Hopefully, these things will work in the short term.

Long term, there are still a few wildcards in the plan of course... my husband and I still have to figure out some big questions like: kids & when, as well as where we will plunk ourselves down when it's all said and done. He DID go to school to be in the tech industry, and wants to stay in it... so that puts some constraints on things. I'd love to live in the middle of nowhere otherwise... And plans are always just that - this year has taught us that just when you think everything is rolling along, something happens that you did not expect. We know other things may require plan modification along the way. But at least we have something to work toward.

anyway I write all this because it always helps me see these goals in real words, so maybe in a few months I can use it to remind myself if I'm going off course. Also because maybe there are some ways some of you can find to bring down the stress levels in your own lives. The commute change alone has been TREMENDOUS. And being at a small company also is a completely different dynamic.

[deena]

Last year sometime my family (me, DH ,and 3 kids) visited some friends of ours who had just moved into a half-mil house with all the extras. When we got home the kids envied everything - everything. I told the kids we could have all of those things too and their eyes got huge at just the thought of it. I said I would go out the next day and get a 50 hour a week job, they could go to daycare until I got home everyday, and that when my job transfers me across the country we would move three times in high school just like our friends did. THAT changed their perspective.

I have been a SAHM and a working mom. When I am working I miss fieldtrips and concerts, when I am not working we can't order out for dinner or go to the mall. There's a sacrifice either way. I do know my family is much happier when we are making our own choices, not comparing to ourselves to others.

[velogirl]

First, I want to echo a lot of what Susan said -- I work more hours than I ever did; rarely take a day off; work nights, weekends, and holidays; make much less money; have no benefits or retirement; my office is in my home so work is always there -- but I LOVE WHAT I DO!!!

My career change was pretty serendipitous. I have a BFA in theatre management and I managed professional theatres for 13 years. I also have an MBA. I made the transition to corporate America and worked for a start-up (laid off in 4 months) and then a large investment banking firm (laid off in less than 2 years). I had planned to spend the rest of my career with the investment banking firm, so I was in a bit of a tizzy. As part of my severance (which was very, very generous) I received funding to go back to school for two years.

I was pretty lost without a job/purpose. This was in 2001 in Silicon Valley when the bottom fell out. No one was hiring. I couldn't even get an interview. I was a project manager and since there was no funding for projects there was no need for project managers. I fell into a deep, dark depression. And, to make matters worse, I'm single and I don't live with anyone. Not only don't I have someone else to depend on for finances, but I didn't have anyone to be socially responsible to -- if I didn't feel like getting out of bed on a given day, I didn't.

Long story short, I went back to school only because I got to go free, I had nothing else to do, and I realized if I didn't do something I'd probably have a nervous breakdown. I studied exercise physiology and decided I wanted to focus on cycling and helping women achieve success through their accomplishments on the bike.

Without savings, without a retirement fund, without a car (I sold it to pay the mortgage), I founded Velo Girls in 2002, hung out my shingle as a cycling coach, and also did some part-time work at a local college in the adaptive fitness program. To make ends meet, I taught 14 spinning classes a week (crazy).

I later decided working part-time at my local bike shop made more sense than teaching classes at four different gyms (and included health insurance). For a while I did both (spinning and lbs), but found it difficult to focus on my coaching (my new career) while I was working so many hours. That's one of the ironies of starting your own company. It takes time to make money. But, you need money, so you work other jobs, which takes away your time.

It was seriously tough for a year -- I almost lost my house. It was still tough during year two. During years three and four I could finally pay all my bills and quit worrying so much about money. Now, in year five, I'm finally thinking about paying down some debt I incurred to start-up my business and potentially paying into a retirement fund (but maybe not -- more on that below).

I don't have a lot of the expenses I had when I worked in the "real world." My commute is non-existent and I don't have parking expenses. My wardrobe is much simpler now (but sometimes I think cycling clothes are just as expensive as business suits). Because I don't work in San Francisco anymore, my social life has changed significantly (saving me lots of money). I have to think about major purchases before making them. But I splurge for fresh flowers every week (another story).

I survived on a wing and a prayer. I don't recommend anyone try what I did. It was totally crazy, but I've always done crazy stuff. Somehow, my business has succeeded even though there were lots of folks in the cycling community that thought it was a stupid idea (men, of course). I have a bit more free time to focus on creating new programs. And I'm finally not worried about money anymore.

There are lots of things to consider if you start your own business, especially one in your home. From the expense pov, you've got a computer, office supplies, software, computer support (I sure do miss the IT department), and other office type expenses. You might also contract folks to complete parts of the business for you (ie accountant, web developer, computer folks, graphic artist, etc). I didn't have a very good infrastructure set up before I started -- my "office" consisted of a laptop on the kitchen counter. I highly recommend getting your office (computer, desk, filing, storage, etc) set up before you begin.

Regarding retirement, I have a different opinion than most of you, I assume. Both of my parents died relatively young. I've survived some serious health issues of my own. I don't assume I'll have a long life. I would rather live my life now than save money and hope I'm still alive at 60. I figure I've always gotten by somehow, and if I make it to 60 I'll figure it out then too!

[mtbdarby]

Good timing.

I just met with a volunteer business person to help me start the process to becoming my own boss. I am very much frustrated with my job, unhappy with the direction of my life and wish to make changes and have more control over my future income than some guy in a corner office.

I have hired a life coach to also guide me and help me take a deeper look within to find where the frustration is truely coming from. Am I quitting the rat race? Not so much as changing the division I'm in . I want to live this life more on my terms and look forward to each day (especially if I can bike to work!) instead of dreading going to a high stress job. I'm a single mom just dieing to find a way to earn a living where I can spend more time with my wonderful son instead of having him spend 10 hours a day at daycare. I have a dream to be able to drop him off at school in the morning and pick him up at the end of day. That shouldn't be too much to ask for, just a little harder to achieve without a SO at home to help me get there. But I will, of that I am sure!

[Susan Otcenas]

I just met with a volunteer business person to help me start the process to becoming my own boss. I am very much frustrated with my job, unhappy with the direction of my life and wish to make changes and have more control over my future income than some guy in a corner office....
I want to live this life more on my terms and look forward to each day (especially if I can bike to work!) instead of dreading going to a high stress job. I'm a single mom just dieing to find a way to earn a living where I can spend more time with my wonderful son instead of having him spend 10 hours a day at daycare. I have a dream to be able to drop him off at school in the morning and pick him up at the end of day.

Please don't think I'm beating up on your thoughts here, but I have to hop in.

Before starting Team Estrogen, I was a vice president and commercial lender at a community bank. I specialized in small business lending - SBA lending in particular. Your reasons for wanting to start your own business (ie. be your own boss, more control, less stress, spend more time with family...) are the same as many of the clients I worked with at the bank.

Did you know that 4 of 5 small businesses fail in the 1st 5 years?

I think it's because many people start businesses wanting just those things, without realizing that you RARELY get those things when you start a business. What you actually get is long hours, more stress (no one else to fall back on), less time off (who else is gonna do it if you aren't there?), less money (because nascent businesses need capital to grow and rarely produce any good cash flow when just getting started), no mental break (since small businesses are usually started in your home and you tend to find yourself drifting in there at all hours of the day and night when work needs to be done), etc.

Team Estrogen is now more than 8 years old. I have a 7 person staff, a rented warehouse that is busting at the seams, and a 12,500 square foot commercial building under construction. At the end of 2004, Jeff & I took our first vacation in 4+ years. I work far longer hours than I ever worked at the bank, and 12 hour days are typical. And usually one weekend day to boot. I have no children, no pets and no house plants. I couldn't possibly find the time to keep any of them alive.

I often receive emails from folks, especially women, asking me about how we've succeeded in growing our business, and looking for advice on how to grow their own. And I've mentored several small local businesses, especially in their first year or two. But I always make sure they truly understand what they are getting themselves into, and ask them to take a long hard look at what exactly they think they will get out of it.

Sure, you can own your own business and put in far fewer hours than I do. But most people can't work those kinds of hours and still make enough money to support all the things they want to do with their free time and all the stuff they think they want to buy for themselves and their loved ones. So they work more hours and discover that they've just traded one rat race for another.

When you work for someone else, you get your allotted vacation days, your health insurance, your 401K plan, your sick days, and your paycheck just like clockwork. When you work for yourself, you get none of those things unless you buy 'em for yourself, and you find enough clients/customers to pay the bills.

So, would I change the choices I made for myself? Heck no. I love this business we've built & I'm proud of it. I love my customers and I'm happy I can provide jobs for my fabulous staff, without whom this business would be nothing. But boy oh boy, I would sure love to take a few weeks off and ride my bike somewhere, without having to think about servers and inventory and taxes and payroll, etc, etc. I'm far less free to just take off than I ever was when I worked for the bank.

So, explore the idea of owning your own business. Please, just be sure you truly go into it with your eyes wide open, understanding that it comes with it's own set of sacrifices.

Best,

Susan

[massbikebabe]

I had to leave the rat race...

Wasn't my choice, I loved what I did. I had a stroke that affected the motor function portion of my brain. I have difficulty using my left side, and both my legs are in braces. I also have a non-specific seizure disorder. Will I ever work again??? I don't know, but I do miss it. I cared very deeply for my patients and spent long hours at the office making sure they got everything they needed in a timely manner.

There is an upside to my story. I now appreciate each day that comes to me.
I have enjoyed spending this summer with my children, and watched my oldest prepare for college. I have a different prespective on the world and how it views those of us who are considered "handicapped". Because of my braces and crutches many treat me like a moron...I have a masters degree in nursing science and was preparing for a Phd program when I got sick. I am much more spiritual than I have ever been in my life. Little hiccups don't bother me anymore and riding my bike is something that makes me do a happy dance...especially if I don't fall!!! Driving a car is a treat and I miss it very much. In the old days I was a workaholic...I wish this me could go back and talk to the old me, I would tell the old me to slow down, smell the roses and cherish each moment. I wish the old me had a little bit of the new me inside...maybe I would have appreciated the "rat race" more!!!

karen
hoping this makes sense