Dear So and So

[Tuckervill]

Dear Pat from Michigan:

I don't know how clueless you have to be to get on the internet and Google Tuckerville and believe that Tanya's producers would be so careless as to leave the "E" off the name of her show in her email address. Why would Tanya use AOHell, anyway? Wouldn't she just have her very own website and her very own email address, like Tanya@tuckerville.com or something like that?

Even though you're clueless, I've enjoyed getting your misdirected fanmail. Thanks for not complaining that your emails are never answered. That would push me over the edge of temptation to pretend that I actually AM TT, and that would not be nice or fair. I don't know if Tuckerville has been renewed for another season, but if it is, feel free to write me again after every episode.

Signed,
Tuckervill

Dear Tanya Tucker:

I've had this name at AOL (and yahoo and hotmail and many, many online locations) for over 10 years. Yes, it was so long ago that allowing more than 10 letters in a screenname for thousands of people would have taxed the storage capacity of even the best servers in the world at the time. Even though I don't have the "e", I am still the original Tuckervill, and I expect the royalty checks to start any day, now.

Signed,
The Best, the Original, The Superfluous E Non-user, Tuckervill

[Bikingmomof3]

Dear Irresponsible Man Who Owns the Madone SL 5.9,

I realise your bike is expenisve, so does everyone else in the bicycle store, so it is really not necessary to park said bike in the doorway of the store. Surely you must realise when an excited 11 year olds run through the doorway to pick up their brand new Trek 3700- mere pocket change I realise to you- and your gorgeous and yes expensive bike is parked inside the doorway, you really should not be too shocked when your bike is *almost* toppled, thankfully 11 year olds have brilliant reflexes. Okay, it was funny watching you in your road shoes try and run across a concrete floor to reach your bike in time-really,you must admit now, that your bike is safe, how funny you looked. Next time, please park your ride out of the way of other patrons. We will all feel better.

[Brandy]

Dear new Spinning Instructor,

I'm sorry that when you yelled WHERE IS YOUR AAAAAAAAAAASSSSS??? during a standing climb, that I had a giggle attack and couldn't stop. I'm also sorry that I made Tiffanie start giggling. Welcome to the gym.

Love,

The bad student.

[Kitsune06]

Dear Guy Who Drove Into My Car:
I don't know what frightens me more- the fact that you were so preoccupied looking for an address that you turned right out of the center lane, into my car, then parked and didn't even look for me, or the fact that when I approached you about running into my car, you were still asking some biker guy on the sidewalk where this address was, then turned around when you saw me and asked ME where this place was, and seemed totally clueless about the nature of the situation when I told you you hit my car.

You don't have a phone, and your insurance doesn't have a phone number for you. You're the type if idiot driver that scares the h*ll out of me biking, and God knows, if you'd have hit me while I was on my bike, I could probably be laying there bleeding and you'd get out of your car and start asking me for directions.

I hope you lose your license- you're obviously totally unaware of your surroundings, and if I tell people this story, they'd never BELIEVE you were SO out of touch with reality.

Please go somewhere and lose your license, but don't start biking because you'll hurt yourself and others. Just walk.

Regards,
Kitsune-
A P.O'd fox.