OK, I did a group ride today, that I have done a few times. It's not hot (79 now) out and it was a congenial group. DH and I went out with the longer ride group (37 miles) as opposed to 22 miles and people who ride slower than me. This ride was advertised as "regular Wednesday Wheeler pace," which means cruising at 14-18, but slowing on hills, etc, so on really hilly rides, your average might be 13. A lot of times, the longer ride has been co-opted by a group of mostly guys who are lovely, but fast. I've written about this before, and although they invited me to join their invitation only rides on other days, I went once, and it almost killed me. Off we went. I stayed in the front, mostly due to the fact it's often squirrelly in the back. After about 7 miles we started up some hillier roads in my old neighborhood. I slowed, and DH, who had been in the back, caught up with the front. I was trying to pace myself up Strawberry Hill, but I wasn't even going my slowest, and I was falling back. OK, after that, we were treated to new pavement in the town of Carlisle, which is notorious for awful roads. That was fun, until we went off the route, into a development in Westford. I have been on this road twice, and we actually almost bought a house there, 20 years ago. It's a climb similar to my old street, but longer and unshaded. I kept slowing, and repeating positive thoughts to myself. The sun got to me... we soon stopped at a ball field for a break. DH said,"You must have been flying," as I came in just a couple of minutes behind the front group. I seriously wanted to bail, but I wasn't last by any means, so on we went. There weren't any hard climbs after that, just rollers with a viscious pace for me, but by this time I was starving, had eaten my Lara Bar and one Shot Block, and then we stopped at Great Brook Farm for another break, only about 6 miles from the end. I told DH I needed to just get back, so we went off alone, taking a shorter way, which actually ended up being the advertised distance. Got cleaned up and changed in the car, and enjoyed a beer and food.
I don't know why this stresses me out so much. I *can* ride this fast, but it makes me feel crappy and brings me to tears at times. I am trying to be tougher, though. I've had some faster rides with DH, which I find easier.
Off to the Berkshires for 4 days of riding, which will be slow! It's really hilly and it's going to be hot.