I read the whole thing. I agree with all of it.
Basically, modern parents let too much of their self worth get tied up with their kids. Then, when the kids start to go through the normal separation stage in adolescence, they freak out.
I was very lucky. Both of my kids had their moments, but no one ever was brought home by the police. And hey, my older son's HS yearbook stated that their class favorite car was "the back of an Acton Police SUV."
I fully expected them to want more freedom as they got older, and used the model my parents used. As long as I see decent (not perfect) behavior, then I will give you the same privileges I had. Thus, my kids were going into the city on their own at age 14-15, and we let them stay by themselves at home for a weekend when we went to NYC when my older son was able to drive (the neighbors, though were put on watch for cars in front of the house). But, my kids both had jobs from age 14 on, after 2-3 years of babysitting. Horrors, they had to work! One had cycling to keep him out of trouble and the other had music. Like I said, it wasn't perfect, but the key was both DH and I had our own lives. Work, interests, and going out socially without the kids almost every week of our married life.