I am most concerned by your remarks that your daughter is having trouble adjusting to college. Is the mostly male engineering school she is at MIT by any chance? My son had difficulties adjusting there even as a boy. Irrespective of how the bf+family situation resolves, I would encourage her to seek counseling at her school. There are counselors trained to help students in her situation. Another idea is to find some campus social group where she fits. Even though my son was a math and computer science major, he minored in Portuguese, and found a warm community within the Portuguese dept. that was more nurturing, they would go to films together, etc. (his dad was born in Portugal, which is where the interest developed). It is really important that she develop an emotional support network at school, especially if she is undertaking a major with a tough curriculum.

I hope you didn't take my previous remarks to indicate approval of how the bf's family behaved, just an attempt to see it from their perspective and bring the situation to an amicable conclusion. Keep us posted as to how it resolves.