I'm hunting for a beater bike, and while I know I'll have to ship it, I'd rather do it here so I can still get my discount on anything it might need, and free/cheap help with fixing it up.

This is next to impossible, apparently. Craigslist seems to be full of either total pieces of crap that are rather...optimistically priced, BMX bikes, or really HUGE road bikes. None of these options are helpful.

I've contacted someone about a steel Giant Iguana from like 1992. It might be a little small, but we'll see...