So I have started riding again -- after the long winter and after a time when riding the bicycle just brought grief and tears. Sunday I rode with a close friend and had a few fleeting moments when I didn't feel like crying and actually felt connected in a good way with my bike and with riding again. It was a small but significant victory. But I felt hopeful that I will be able to enjoy riding again after the homicide of my ex-husband, best friend and father of my daughter. I am also motivated by the knowledge that he would be so furious at me if I stopped riding because of his death. I can hear his voice in my head. So, I get on the bike and ride -- sometimes through the tears and occasionally without. I am hoping that spring will bring more ease.