Oh gosh, I never thought to take pictures of my worst looking bruise.

I went mountain biking on day 3 of a rainstorm, (it was only misting that day) and on a downhill, my tires slid out near the top and I fell. The bike fell over on the left side, with the wheel in a hard left and the handlebar trapping my thigh against the toptube. Down the hill I slid with my leg trapped and the front tire digging into the dirt, pushing the handlebar in a death grip hold smashing my thigh.

At the bottom my left leg was numb and I though it was broken, so I took out my utility knife and managed to get some of the dirt removed from where the front tire had plowed itself into the trail so I could turn the wheel straight and free my leg. The feeling came back and it was not good. So I ripped a piece of my shirt off and used a small branch and splinted my thigh (I really thought it was broken the pain was intense). No phone, and no other people anywhere. I used my bike as a crutch and coasted what I could.

Well it wasn't broken. But the bruise was wrapped around the whole thigh, with the front so swollen with blood that it jiggled when I hobbled so I had to use elastic bandages to prop it up like a bra for big red boob. Never thought to take a picture.