Dear people next door:
First off, who the heck has a party involving a beer-like substance on MONDAY night? What is wrong with you? Do you not actually go to class ever? Second, on no planet are slippers acceptable to wear anywhere. You're not three. Third, I know for a fact that at least one of you is under the age of 21. Yeah, illegal. Also illegal for your...whatever he is to buy it for you. Fourth, if you're going to drink, drink actual beer and not whatever pigswill that is that you're drinking. Fifth, stop leaving your trash on your porch. Not only is that against complex rules, but everyone else has to deal with the fallout, from beer cans to being accosted by squirrels every morning. I'm surprised the raccoons haven't shown up. Maybe they're intimidated by the classiness of your place.

Finally, judging by snippets of conversation between your friends (with benefits)/whatever... Trading cigarettes and sex for pot and beer? There's a name for that. It's called prostitution.

Trying to see whether or not I care enough to get you kicked out,
Me.


Also: Chrome's spellcheck doesn't recognize the plural of "raccoon"