I'm small but not "frail" woman with small hands! My fingers aren't long enough to push the lever far enough to engage the big ring. I slide my hand to the side of the hood so my fingers have enough reach to shift to my big ring. My fingers go pretty far underneath the hood before the chain engages.

I, too, had problems with my brake levers and it was just a matter of loosening the brake cables. Makes the reach a lot easier too.