I decided to put this in the health issues section because, I guess, it's a health issue.

As some of you may know, my father passed away in November. He was a good, kind father when I was a little girl, but as I grew older, he became more distant to the point where by the time I was an adult, all we talked about was small talk (weather, gardening, etc).

For a good chunk of my adult life he was physically far away as well, living in another continent. Then my parents moved back about 5 years ago and we saw each other about once a week.

I'm not close with either of my parents (well, not with my brother, either), so I assumed that when my father died, I would be more or less "ok".

But lately I've been very unmotivated to do anything. I'd make lists to get myself focused, but I just can't concentrate on them. I'm down and mopey a lot, which I attributed to the northwest's dreary winter.

Some days, like today, I'm just sad for no reason. I would cry at the drop of a hat over small things, and berate myself for being so sensitive.

By chance, I met up with a woman who is a retired psychologist. I was seeing her for a completely different matter, but she zeroed in on my state of blah-ness. She said I'm underestimating the power of the loss of a parent. Regardless of the fact he may have been physically and or emotionally absent makes it worse because I'm mourning for something I wished.

Anyways, I'm just writing this mostly to let it out, as apparently I've been holding it in. Grief is a complex thing, and I shouldn't think that I'm "over" it simply because we weren't close.

I know something isn't right, I just feel so lost and overwhelmed sometimes. Like my feelings are blunted and I can't get excited about anything.

I called a grief counselor.