Hey, newtobikesmama...I'm awfully tempted to bet that cycling isn't the only arena that this behavior pattern occurs. I would just encourage you to take a deep and broad look at the whole picture, and if there's something there that needs to be worked on, please go work on it with a professional. I've been there, and stuff like this has the tendency to fester if not addressed. Festering is never good.

In the meantime, go ride your bike if that is what YOU want to do.