Warning: I am an unrepentant feminist. I all too well remember the classified ads listing "employment for men" "employment for women," just for starters, or the days when a boy would hit a girl and her teacher/mother would say, "that means he likes you."

On the topic of women shaping their lives around their partners, I gotta say that recently, when my husband went back to grad school at age 38, lived in another city for 3 years, and turned our finances and our relationship on their heads, I routinely recieved lectures from supposedly enlighted NY liberal types on "supporting" my husband's career. As in, I was not doing enough. It really made me distraught, also frightened that he was being advised to leave me behind. Probably he was. One day, I realized that at no time had anyone, anywhere, anyhow, lectured my husband on supporting me in MY career, even though I am just as talented and was having real breakthroughs with my own work, such as a book contract with a major publisher. That's how intense the pressure is on women. I like the idea that the pressure is on both partners in a relationship, but I don't see it.