What would you do?

[Selkie]

Thanks, everyone, for the different points of view and excellent advice.

I'm no shrinking violet and have told Dino directly--twice--that it's inappropriate for him to make comments about my not taking DH's surname. He doesn't like confident women, at least if that woman is over forty or not pleasing to his eye. In addition, I think he's resentful because I'm higher graded than he (i.e., I make more than he does---he's the type that figures out everyone else's grade & then whines that he'll never get promoted!) and I'm smarter, more hard working, etc.

My situation is akin to what GLC described. Having been a manager/supervisor, I know the laws and regulations. In the past, I have reported this sort of thing and trust me, one get a label for not turning a blind eye to jerks like this. You get labeled "overly sensitive," lacking a sense of humor, and not being able to get along well w/others. We've all had mandatory EEO training and there's a zero tolerance policy. However, the reality is that the personal/professional toll it takes on the person who is a victim and/or reports it is simply too high.

I don't think reporting it will do any good. It will do nothing but add to my boss's stress and Dino will wiggle out of it, turn it back on me. I've seen him in action--nothing is his fault--and he gets away with using his personal problems to avoid things and face responsibility. The guy is unstable and I suggested that he see a therapist about his inability to let go of his anger toward his ex (he ignored that one because he thrives on being a "victim"). I'm not afraid of him, however, because he's really a coward. That's why he has to say stupid, thoughtless things.

I think I'm going to try Maxxie's suggestion of listening to him blather, saying "hmmmmm," then walking away. I'm also not initiating any non-work related conversations with him (he's one of those social butterflies who likes to spend 80% of the day chattering---I mean gossiping). I also intend to be vocal about the inappropriateness of his "stories" when the situation arises---I've done this in a past situation with a fellow coworker who was a perv---I told him--in my "elitist snob tone" that I use in situations like this--that he was "adolescent," to which another male (mature, non-perv) laughed heartily.