LOL funny read. Reminds me of a story I read years ago. Cindy Whitehead was a racer from the early days of mountain biking who lost her seat near the start of a long XC race. Instead of quitting, she finished the race, almost 50 miles without a saddle, and actually won.

I think the 'clipless' part is that there are no toe-clips/straps, those old fashioned metal cages that you slipped your feet into that were popular before the 'clipless' pedals. 'Clipping' in to pedals is a throwback word to those old toe-clips.

Some pedals also have a allen key hole at the back of the spindle (my Time pedals do) so that you can tighten them back on with a multitool. It's a good idea that not every manufacturer does. And yea, mountain biking is as much about handling issues with what you have as there is no gas station at the corner to beg tools from, as it is riding.