Hi there. I have a newbie question for the more experienced crew out there. It concerns fit and finding a bike. I'd like to hear what women have to say about this....

I’d appreciate your input.

I am looking to buy my first road bike. And I apologize in advance for the longest post ever….

Here’s a little information about me:
In the past couple of years I've rediscovered my mtn bike. I've been riding it a lot on the roads. I have decided I like cycling!
I like to go out for 30-40 miles / 3-4 hrs per ride
I ride 3-4 times a week.
I’ve never really ridden a road bike (except lately at the bike store) or in clipless pedals.
I am positively pokey on the mountain bike (though I love it) and I have decided I want to do a triathlon. Hence the need for a new bike.
I am very competitive and reasonably athletic. So, I aspire to speed. ;-)

I’m female, 5’2”, with a 30 inch inseam.

I travel a fair amount and I’d like to take the bike with me sometimes. Read: it’s gonna fly, but only a couple of times a year. This is not of primary importance.

Budget: Around $2k but I am still deciding on this. I’d like to get as much bang for my buck as possible. That makes me think I’d get more buying a lightly used bike off ebay or CL.

But I really need to figure out what I need to buy. And I have no clue.

Fit…
I know everyone talks a lot about Fit. From what I can tell, “fit” is 90% fact and 10% preference. I have been to 3-4 bike stores and hopped on a few bikes. I’ve found that most of them want to sell me whatever bike they have in stock (of course & understandable) and all have some tale about what “fits.” “You’re a 49 in a Specialized Ruby and at 51 in a Cannondale,” they say….

Maybe. But I want the bike that is right for ME.

And I ride these bikes and I have been on everything from a fancy Cervelo to a basic Bianchi to a Kona to a Specialized and the list goes on… and all I can say is this:

I can tell these bikes feel DIFFERENT. Is one good? Is another bad? I can’t tell.

Obviously, if the frame is grossly oversized, I know the fit is not right.

However, I don’t know enough to hop on a bike and know I am going to feel OK on it after 50 miles….

Plus, I know geometry varies across manufacturers so size isn’t apples-to-apples across brands. Furthermore, bikes seem to come with different stock size components like stems / cranks. If the frame fits me (in theory) how can I really tell if a bike is going to be “perfect” without customizing the fit with stem / cranks?

Frame…
Also, with regard to frame materials, I have heard everything from “don’t get carbon because you’ve never used clipless pedals and you’re gonna fall over and break it” to “carbon is too much for you right now” to “buy carbon because you’re gonna want to upgrade soon.”

So, here are my questions:

1) How does one develop any sort of preference or feel for fit if you’ve never really ridden a road bike?
2) I know people say “ride to determine fit” but this apples-to-oranges geometry /componetry combined with my complete lack of experience and taste is confusing me. What can I possibly get out of cruising around the parking lot of a bike store?
3) Given that cranks / stems/ etc can be customized, should I get measured at a good LBS and figure out what sized frame in a given manufacturer I need and target that? Once I get the right frame size, then go and have the cranks etc fitted?
4) What kind of frame should I go for? Aluminum? Carbon? Titanium? (I like 3+ hr rides. Comfort matters. Also, remember the whole pt of this bike is to do triathlons.)
5) What bikes should I be looking at? I am in Europe and frequently in the US so everything is on the table.
6) Finally, for what it’s worth, I’d prefer not to look like some jerk on a way overly expensive bike for my skills….. but I would like something I could grow into and be somewhat competitive with.

Thanks in advance for your input.