Do not click on the link in this tale

[owlice]

(Really!)

A few weeks ago, I rode in 90+ degree heat; started out on a trail with less shade than I like on hot, sunny days, intending to do that one trail twice. I sent the following in an email to two friends (and I reiterate.... do NOT click on the link!):

I suckered myself into doing the distance I'd set out to do. I didn't stay on the NW Branch trail; I decided as I rode it that I didn't want to ride it twice (not enough shade), so when I got to the bottom of the trail, I rode up the NE Branch trail rather than turn around, and then up the Paint Branch trail, and by then, I was 12 miles away from my car, so I had no choice... I had to ride back! (I'd have cursed under my breath, but didn't have the energy to do so.)

I think if I'd have turned around at the bottom of NW Branch trail, I'd have ridden only 14 miles today; I don't know that I'd have been able to resist getting in the car and driving home after one run on that trail.

When I did finally make it back to the car -- I'd left it at the Adelphi Mill -- the parking lot was full and there were lots of people milling about. Apparently a wedding or wedding reception was just getting underway at the Mill. So there they are, all these people nicely groomed and in very fancy clothes, and here I come, in bike shorts ordered from lardass.com and a ratty tee-shirt, dripping sweat, panting (literally; tongue hanging out like a dog's), riding through all the fancy folks with my stink and muddy bicycle. I stopped about 10 feet from my car (just couldn't pedal anymore), got off the bike, staggered the remaining distance, propped the bike up, took off my helmet, grabbed my water bottle and poured water right over my head. Twice.

I might have heard applause as I was pulling out of the parking lot, but surely that was because I'd freed up a space for a guest, right?

I then got an email back from one of the people I'd sent this to, which had in part:

I am about to bust a seam laughing this morning. I decided to follow your link to lardass.com and boy, was I in for a surprise!

That message, sent by "Reply all," made the other friend click on the link, too.

Eventually, I got a message from one of them which said something about the "slighty pornographic" site... which made ME click on the link I'd sent, because of course I'd just made up the name of the (supposed) source of my bike shorts as a description of the size of my bike shorts (I actually got them from aerotechdesigns.com, teamestrogen.com not selling bike shorts in my size).



Nothing "slightly" about it! It's a porno site featuring zaftig women!!!

From now on, I solemnly swear to check any website names I think I'm making up, lest they really exist!