... that is the question.

I'm buying someone's spot in a race (sprint) that literally passes my backyard. I am VERY familiar with this area (as you can imagine ). Two years ago in this race I would have placed 4th athena and was top 15 or 20 in my "regular" age group. That was before I got Lucy (my tri bike) and before two Ironmans.

I am expecting (hoping) this year to be my last year as an athena (though I have actually entered no races as an athena because I figured if I'm not going to win anyway, why does it matter - I can always compare my results). I am going to spend time focusing on weight loss and conditioning to remove the rest of my squishy - I am 5'4" and about 155-160 lbs now (depends on what the week has been like - only after Ironman or having the flu have I been below 150 in the last two years). As the wii so graciously reminds me, "that's overweight!" I can tell that over the last year my legs have gotten bigger but smaller (if that makes sense - I can now see my quads in pictures, but I have not lost actual weight, nor are they actually smaller).

Anyway... so why not? I guess I can't get over the "everyone knows I'm over 150 lbs" thing, and more importantly would it be seen as childish to race just because you think you can win? I've never been about that, but the prospect of having a chance does appeal to me. I am competitive, but choose to compete with myself, and always have... but but. I also don't want to take the victory away from someone who truly is athena, and what athena actually means... though at 5'4" and 155 lbs maybe that actually is me.

I have a few days to decide. Thinking out loud... advice welcome.