Well, I can give you the advice I have been given for wheelsets. (I'm also small, 120lbs, and get beat to death in crosswinds).

Go custom.

Pick a decent set of hubs (based on your price range)

Get some nice thin standard (not bladed) spokes and discuss spoke count and lacing with the wheelbuilder (at our weight we simply don't need as many spokes to have a strong reliable wheel as most riders and less spokes=less for wind to catch)

Pick a rim with a shallow profile to the side that also suits your other needs.

Apparently you get a wheel that does what you want for the same $$$ as a fancy prebuilt set that at our weight/height will likely come with compromises. Some people even find the custom stuff cheaper than similarly performing prebuilts. Plus they are easy to maintain if you do break them (no proprietary spokes, hubs, or lacing patterns to deal with).

I'm saving up for a pair for myself now.

Bars I can't really help you with as I actually prefer ones with a decent drop. Most companies make bars in different widths, so you'll first need to determine the width you need (for reference I ride 38's), which you can do by measuring your shoulders (I think it's point to point on the collarbone across the chest). That's just a guideline. By that number I should be riding 36's but I prefer a little wider so I can actually make use of the flat part occasionally.

Many women with smaller hands like the Salsa Poco "short and shallow" bars. Not for me, but may work for you.