parenting dilemma

[OnTerryOh]

Thank you for sharing your concern about your daughter in this difficult situation. You are right to perceive that she can be hurt by others' gender expectations. She is happy and proud about her boy's suit, but parents and classmates will probably see her as strange.

In this particular situation, you might try making it a game to go through your closets and drawers together and find matching mother/daughter clothes that you'll wear to the kindergarten graduation together.

You might dress up and look in the mirror together and find all the ways that the two of you are alike -- and different.

If the two of you show up at the graduation in matching blue shorts and yellow t-shirts, say, it will help reinforce the idea for your daughter that you are like her -- both of you being girls, and that her girlhood is something you love about her.

Yes, I know the note said to wear "Sunday best", but if you haven't got that, you haven't got it. Dressing in matching outfits could help your daughter bond with you as someone like her. That is more important.

If she asks why she can't wear the brown pinstriped pants suit with blue shirt and tie, tell her you found out it wouldn't be the best thing to wear to the graduation. Distract her from the subject in a pleasant way -- don't argue. Let her wear the suit around the house if she wants, but not to school.

You might be giving your daughter a happy, secure, loving home life, and there might be little you can do to change her wanting to dress like a boy. On the other hand, if your daughter seems unhappy I encourage you to talk to a counselor.

I hope all goes well at the graduation. Best wishes to both you and your little girl.