Any ideas for a Tahoe mtb elopement/family issues

[indysteel]

Hi Karen - I appreciate your honesty. I don't know if this was directed at me but I feel the urge to respond. My mother and I are not close. Never have been. She was in the living room with myself and my sister when I mentioned that Geoff and I were thinking about getting married. She briefly looked up from her game of Sudoku (or however you spell it) and then started filling in more boxes. Never uttered a word.

She's always been a stone when it comes to great things in life. My sister received the same treatment when she announced she was getting married six years ago. Same for when we both bought houses, graduated college and got great jobs. No "I'm proud of you", "I'm so happy", I knew you could do it", I can't wait to visit", nothing. Same thing in high school, "Mom, I think I want to be a vet, pilot, doctor, astronaut" was received with a "You're not good enough, smart enough, etc"...

Oh and I don't think I'm too young. Never been married, no kids and I'm 33. I've just ben waiting for the best! And it certainly helps he manages his fathers bike shop!!!

Wow, your mom sounds a lot like mine. My parents have never expressed much interest or enthusiam for the happier aspects of my life. In fact, my mom explicitly told me years ago that she didn't want to know anything about my love life. So, I keep most of it to myself. They know I'm dating someone now, but they've never met him (and have expressed no interest in doing so) and have no idea how serious it is. They barely even remember his name. It's heartbreaking when I dwell on it, but I try not to. It helps that I've had years of therapy to deal with my family's many deficiencies.

So I, too, would prefer to get married privately. My parents know that and, frankly, seemed a little relieved. Even if they were hurt, however, I'd still marry privately, and I doubt that I'd give much of an explanation for my decision. Don't get me wrong. I don't hate my parents, and we actually have a cordial relationship. But it is glaringly superficial, and at the age of
39, I have no interest in creating some fiction for the sole purpose of my wedding. It would be insincere at best, painful at worst.

I'm happy that the average family isn't like this. For that reason, I understand why most brides and grooms want their family present at their wedding. For me, however, having a wedding that is just about me and my intended, not only makes more sense, but is a critical act of self-preservation. I hope that it represents a line in the sand between my family of origin and my own family.

With all of that said, I'm not telling you to thumb your nose at your family. But I do think your wedding is an event that should ideally fulfill your own needs and wishes first and foremost. To the extent that you can factor in other people's needs and wishes, then great. But if you can't, then so be it.

In any event, I wish you and Geoff the best in your life together. Congratulations!!!!