First, I'm sorry that you'll be going through this experience . . it is especially difficult with children. My son was 5 when we separated and we sat down with him to explain it although, at that age, he really didn't understand the big picture. I want to say that it is essential and extremely important that the 2 of you "work together" after the divorce. After my divorce, I never wanted to talk w/ my ex, ever again. Tried communicating via e-mail and he is completely computer illiterate. I learned to talk with him about our son and to be open and not be emotional. That is, I learned to not bring our personal (negative) aspects of our relationship into our discussions about our son. And I also learned that one is never truly divorced when you have children. Geez, there's doctor/dental appointments, camps, vacations, holidays, school work, change in schedules, sports events, etc., so many things to be talking about and comparing notes.

What I'd like to say is that I hope the 2 of you can cooperate and communicate in terms of your children's needs -- it can be difficult but is so important for your children -- not trying to preach just trying to share. I'm not saying that you won't cooperate but, personally, I know that it can be difficult. Also, I do hope that you have a counselor who is helping you through this difficult process. Friends will tell us what we want to hear, but a therapist is invaluble for providing support and encouragement in the right direction so that we can move on with our lives.

FYI, while my ex and I had a difficult divorce, things greatly improved once he met someone else and remarried . . . my life got much much better meaning that he was not as angry with me. And she is the best stepmother that I could hope for in terms of my son's well-being.

I have 3 close girlfriends who made a huge difference for me in going through my divorce. I don't know that I could have come out of it as well as I did without my friends. Be sure to talk with your support network . . everyone needs a shoulder to cry on once in a while.

Take care and I'm sending a hug your way

- Vivian, MN