We spent the night Sunday night at the Emergency Vets with our 8 year old male poodle pup. $200 and many hours later, it was determined that he has a kidney stone.

He stayed overnight and we picked him up early Monday morning and took him to our regular vet. Several X-rays, hours later, and $100 more, he still has a kidney stone that has not budged. The vet wanted to wait it out and hope he could pass it. He said surgery was the last option because the dog already had congestive heart failure and there's no guarantee that he'd make it through the surgery, plus, with a dog as tiny as he is, the urethra is so small, it is a risky surgery and may not be successful. They could try to flush it back up into the bladder, but the chance of that working and it dissolving are very slim. We'd probably be back in the vet next week with the same problem.

He came home for the night with constant observation. He can barely urinate, but we had to watch to make sure that he was able to go some so that we didn't have to deal with a ruptured bladder. We gave him a special diet last night, we took him out for 5 minutes every hour. I watched with a flashlight hoping he would pass it.

He returned to the vet today and we were told that about the only option was surgery which would be $300 - $500 MORE.

We had some tough decisions to make. He has been an expensive dog already. He is 8 years old and had not been a healthy dog. Just two years ago he had a ruptured salivary gland and a real "people" surgeon was brought in to operate on him. He also has congestive heart failure.

Our son is getting married in 5 months ($$$$) and we have other major expenses coming up. We have cried and agonized about what a good ole dog he is and trying to make a decision. I finally just could not do it and left it to my husband.

After talking to the vet today, dear hubby, soft hearted as he is, said that we thought the best thing to do would be to put the dog to sleep. We were both broken and crushed to make the decision, but we accepted that it was probably the best thing. We are not rich people and just did not feel like we could put close to $1000 in this dog at his age and with all of his health problems already. The vet offered to work with us on a payment plan, but again we would STILL have to pay it and there was no guarantee that he would even make it.

We have lost 2 nights sleep and I had cried all morning. Hubby gave the final word and told them to put him to sleep. It is not a decision we made lightly.

Then the unexpected. The vet called back and said that everyone in the clinic was so upset. They remember Bull from when he has his other surgery. He was such a special case to have a real surgeon operate on him. He had a proposal. He asked for permission to do the surgery and if he could survive and make it through, there was a girl that worked there that wanted Bull.

My husband immediately thought that this was the answer we needed. He felt better that he would not have to be put to sleep. He would have a good home, someone that loved him and now access to free medical care with all of his many conditions.

I, on the other hand, am crushed. It is hard to bear the thought of him with someone else and not here where he was so loved. He has been happy here for 8 years and I don't think he will be as happy in his new home.

We have not signed the paper yet saying that it is OK to give him away. I don't know how people bear the pain of putting a dog to sleep. And now this for some reason feels even harder. I feel like I have failed him.

As I type through tears, I appreciate any kind words or things that I have not thought of in my emotional state. Pets can be just like kids.