Today was a tough day. In the past few weekends, I've ridden much longer and more difficult rides during which I've felt miserable, but I've never stopped and given up. I gave up today and I don't know why. I'm so mad at myself and irritated by my attitude. I started out fine and kept up on liquids and food. However, I was on a huge hill that I climbed just fine last week, and it absolutely sucked and kicked my booty. I felt tired right away and then I felt like crying. My legs never got heavy, I was just not motivated and was going slow (but that's usual for me). Then I kept having to stop (I made it fine last time) and after one stop, I toppled over while trying to start up again. It just broke me. However, I really don't think it was hydration or fuel related (I had just eaten some bloks and loaded up on water).

It was so discouraging. I got super-negative. All I could think about was how hard I've been working and how I'm still so slow and I'm passed constantly, and although everyone is nice and supportive, it gets old being the slowest and so on. My mind just kept going along these lines and I got very emotional and negative. I just kept getting more teary and tired. I ended up just stopping and turning around (which made me feel even worse). I tried to explain it to my BF, but I don't think he entirely understands how I feel sometimes (he's also new, but is in much better shape than I am and is doing great on the bike). He also just did his first ride without me where he added 20 miles to our longest ride and added a couple thousand feet of climbing. I think this might have gotten me down a little, since I had prided myself on having done just as much as he had (albeit at a slower pace).

I really don't know what happened. It was pretty hot out, but not the hottest it has been. I slept well and felt prepared, but just couldn't do it. The ride was only a fraction of what I did last week. Hopefully this was just a bad day. I didn't like feeling this way at all. Now that I'm home I feel better, but I'm still mad at myself for "wasting" a weekend ride. Really, I know I'm doing very well and am proud of the riding I've done- I'm generally pretty positive and not like this- I don't know what got into me today. Hopefully next weekend will be better.

Thanks for letting me whine.