Ok, now I'm feeling really stupid.

I've peeled up the hood covers from the bottom; no bolt for the hood.
Peeled off the top on the hooky part; no bolt for the hood.

How the heckle do I get the brake hoods off?

I see one teeeeeny tiny flathead screw (if it even is a flathead screw, maybe it's a brake cable stop) but I can't believe that's what's holding the hoods on.

Anybody gotta link or helpful words of wisdom?