I feel for you! Saddle and fit are so critical to comfort... my first bike was too big and not fit properly and I had similar issues to what you've described, chafing and rawness and not being able to pee for an hour or so when I got off the bike...

I have since changed bikes and am now on one fit properly. But I've had some ongoing issues with saddles. I am testing a Bontrager saddle now... they have a 90 day "trial" period... so if I hate in within the next 3 months of rides I can try a different one until I find one I like!

Good luck... you should NOT be bleeding... and it should not hurt that much!