I've only read these boards and have never done a group ride but here's what I think ( ) from what you've said:

1) It's an excellent situation because they didn't drop you; the group leader stayed with you. How often do we read about rides where people get dropped even when they weren't supposed to?

2) You've said you are really pretty sure he wasn't being patronizing, and I'm glad to know that, because my feeling was that if he thought you were overreaching he wouldn't want to encourage you and would probably have suggested you do (whatever) before trying that group again.

3) Listen to these women. They know what they're talking about.

4) Congrats! Look at what you did -- you reached for a tougher ride, and kept up for at least 1/2, and your main prob was that you got separated from the group or you might not have had to deal with the emotional baggage and might have held your ground!